Kai :) The dance is so ... complicated. 

"There are times, when you fall for somebody's talent, so deeply and so intensely, that you're never sure what to say when asked 'Why do you like them so much ?'

Today was the last day of our 'Reflection Day' period - 2 days. We went to Osbourne Park and into the YMT studio/hall place. It was fun, we played games and there was impromptu dramas, food and more games but at the end there was the 'reflection' bit of it, which I found to be really calming. At the beginning of the day, we got onto the bus and it was a half hour ride to YMT - sat with Rita, Hannah and Savannah. We were laughing about 'Mean Girls' the movie and the Trinity boys and not to mention my bus driver yesterday, who was trying to get me to attack either the windows or the polls in the bus due to his lack of driving skills. Back to topic, upon arrival we were led into this big hall, and all of grabbed a seat and were introduced to the whatdoyoucallthem   trainers and they spoke a bit about themselves, then we played a game- Drama- Impromptu Drama- Game-Recess (We got COOKIES!) 


Well back to what I originally was going to say - I am a Knicks fan to those who don't speak Basketball, leave a comment and I will teach you. I am Knicks fan - not because Jeremy Lin is there, I was a fan before he even existed (I'm not that old but you get the point). So anyway I was talking to a friend of mine who came to visit from Auckland and he wore a Knicks jersey, so being a fan when he went to shower - we were at the hotel he and his family stayed at. I stole his jersey and well tucked it into the back pocket of my pants - not a very smart thing to do. He came out of the shower and grabbed a shirt and pants, changed. He shooed me out of the bedroom part first, and then he starts looking for his Jersey then he procrastinates it, and we go out for lunch. So we went out for lunch at Hungry Jacks, and we ordered and his burger took it's time to come. Impromptu photo was taken of his sad hungry face.

You won't find faith or hope down a telescope. You won't find heart and soul in the stars You can break everything down to chemicals.

2 more days of school, then a 3 week break. Autumn's here - somewhat.

"Sometimes if you want something badly enough, you can make it happen. If you miss someone so desperately it wrecks your insides, you say their name over and over until you conjure them. It's called sympathetic magic and you just have to believe in it to make it work."
- Nicholas C Y

“Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who just bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive that you’d follow them straight into hell, just to keep getting your fix.” —Karen Marie Moning.

“The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn’t hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain you’re doing yourself a disservice. Don’t do that. The truth is that it hurts because it’s real. It hurts because it mattered. And that’s an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t end, that it won’t get better. Because it will.”— John Green

It was strange how words meant something when they came out of your mouth. Inside your head they were safe and silent, but once they're out - people grab hold of them. 

Adorable.

The good ol' days.

"Some personal matters that I don't know how to handle that it feels like I'm always left hanging with unanswered questions. Emotional roller coaster as you may call it. I hate the feeling...

In times like these, no matter how hard I try to cope up, I still feel helpless. I try to keep myself busy so that my mind can focus on some other things, but at the end of the day, when you're all alone, they're all coming back to you. I tried to talk to somebody, especially those who proclaim themselves as your “best friend”, but they're so busy with their own lives that they can't spare you at least a minute or two.

So I keep it to myself, most of the time. I have to deal with the same set of emotions over and over again as if I've never had enough. Until when? I'm not quite sure."
-Fever, Finding Eben

"I’m not fascinated by people who smile all the time. What I find interesting is the way people look when they are lost in thought, when their face becomes angry or serious, when they bite their lip, the way they glance, the way they look down when they walk, when they are alone and smoking a cigarette, when they smirk, the way they half smile, the way they try and hold back tears, the way when their face says they want to say something but can’t, the way they look at someone they want or love… I love the way people look when they do these things. It’s… beautiful." — Unknown

I want those wall pads!

Amazing.

Well, all I'd like to say is congratulations to Colin and Nicholas for winning 2nd prize at this Kpop dance competition and for also winning the Fan Award. The both of you have not Skyped me since ... 3 weeks ago, I don't take your Youtube fame as an excuse so don't even try. So this is me damanding for details. By the way, since I just found out that you will be checking this post out, a friend of mine called both of you adorable. In my head I was just like it runs in the family. I would also like to demand for updates, and to keep Aunt Marian in prayers - she's sick and I think she's going for surgery, but other than that - you two. Skype me.

I'm tired of trying to figure you out. I'm tired of hearing people say "I'll talk to you soon" - they never do. I'm tired of the "I'm going miss you" - if you did we'd have had some sort of conversation by now. I'm tired of the shit that I give - the shit that gets crumpled and thrown away.I'm tired of these repeating lies. I'm tired of thinking each time is going to be different. Honestly, if anyone wants to talk to me, you make the effort; cause I am just so tired of starting the conversation and having to wrack my brain for things to say to keep the conversation going. I got no problem with saying goodbye; is it wrong that I'm going to have the time of my life? Cause honestly I just don't care.


Honestly, you brought this onto yourselves so don't blame me. I'm just so tired of everything. Most of all, I'm tired of the lies.  
Things really do change once you've moved, don't they? 

Good morning, everyone. This is the result of when a friend needs to talk at midnight and when another friend needs to talk at 7am. Doesn't she glow with joy?

I wish I could put all my thoughts in a jar. I think too much. It causes me to over-think and analyze things I don't want to deal with. It gets too much for me to handle and I panic. I shut myself down and go to war with myself. I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm tired of being sick. I'm sick of being tired. I'm sick of feeling sad. Sick of wanting things and people I can't have. I don't like who I am, but I have to live with it. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going in life. For once, I just want to be at peace with myself.