20111107 @ Monday, November 07, 2011
How To Annoy The Living Shit Out of Someone
Monday, November 07, 2011
Remember my last post on how to annoy the living shit out of another person? And remember how I promised that there will be more? Remember?
Yeah, you don’t remember anything huh?
It’s cool. I forgive you for putting me in that state of oblivion. I will not hold any tinge of grudges against you. It is not significant that I hold you responsible for not having any memories regarding something that had happened. The past should be forgotten. And that is also why History should never be a subject in high-schools. Screw you capitalism.
I have no idea what the hell am I even trying to express. Gee, that’s my seventh glass of scotch already? Time flies when you’re getting drunk. On another note, I would like to quote one of my favourite white rappers, Asher Roth. In his words, ‘time isn’t wasted when you’re getting wasted’. Yeah, so don’t waste that drink.
Now, there is a whole other list of venues that I can think of whereby passing your annoyance on to someone at said venue would seem reasonable. Here goes.
Toilets
- i. When using the urinal, look at the guy beside you intensely. When he asks you what the hell your problem is, point to your crotch and say, “How do you use this thing again?”
ii. Inside a cubicle, sing as loud as you can. When someone yells at you to shut your trap, tell ‘em that a recent scientific research had shown that music helps people to pee and poop more efficiently.
iii. Knock on the person in the next cubicle and ask, “Buddy, I need to go back to the future, where’s the button to power up this machine?”
iv. This works only where an automatic hand-dryer is in place. When someone puts their hands under the dryer, wave your finger around the dryer and mutter some spells from Harry Potter and let the dryer starts blowing. Look at the guy and demands that he embraces wizardry.
- i. If you see someone reading one of the Twilight series, go to the fella and tell ‘em, “Bad news, in half an hour’s time, a vampire will come and bite you. But here's the good news, Edward Cullen will be doing the job.”
- ii. Lift up books on the shelves one by one and say, “Dammit, now which one is that bloody secret switch to open up that secret door to that secret chamber?”
- iii. Open a book on nuclear science and laugh uncontrollably so everyone would stare at you. While laughing, tell them: “Damn! This is the funniest shit I’ve ever read!”
- iv. Slide your fingers from left to right on the cover of a book repeatedly. Then shout out, “Dang! How do you switch to the next page?”
Train Stations
- i. At the ticketing counter, insist on buying a return ticket to Hogwarts.
ii. While waiting for trains on the platform, tell someone near you, “I heard that today’s the Train Goddess Sacrifice Day, I wonder who will be pushed onto the tracks when the train comes today.”
iii. When you board the train, look at the person beside you and immediately make a stunned face. This should be followed by a scream and then running out of the train.
iv. Go to everyone in the train, nudge them softly and ask, “So, are you the guy who sells weed?”
Am I a genius or what?
carpe diem and press on