Sleeping is like being dead without commitment.
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'96. I love books, music and Justin Bieber. May the odds be ever in your favor. x

#626
20120228 @ Tuesday, February 28, 2012
"Don’t you say Hello again, because I don’t have the strength to say Goodbye anymore. I’ll learn to embrace the cold that you threw towards me and let it to melt away the warmness in my heart instead. I’ll learn to accept the fact that your words doesn’t speak about me anymore. From now onwards, I will learn to cross the road without you holding my hand tightly, stopping me whenever I impatiently trying to get to the other side of the road.

When our favourite songs played in the radio, I’ll try to ignore the memories that came toiling behind those lyrics. When it comes to taking a bite of my favourite cheese burger, I’ll remember that you won’t be there to gently wipe away the mustard on the corner of my lips what’s more to keep me accompany for lunch. And so I’ll learn how to eat properly and alone next time. Somewhere along the way, if a stranger smiles, I’ll try to fast forward your never ending smile that could make me to leave the whole world behind just for that.

When the sunshine greets me, I’ll remember not to hope for a warm morning hug from behind my back. I'll even forget the morning coffees on the porch,the chocolate sundae in the drizzling rain.When the evening falls, I’ll make sure the windows and doors locked because it’s just me and the four walls tonight. I’ll try not to run towards the door anxiously whenever the door bell rang because it seemed that you have lost the track to my home.I’ll try to hide my disappointment whenever I mistaken a stranger for you at a departmental store because he look so much like you or maybe because I’ve just known only you all my life.

And yes now we have come to a crossroad that leads to different paths. I’m taking this side, and you’re taking that one. Don’t choose the same path as mine anymore. No,this time I don’t want to travel with someone who used to let my hands off in the middle of a journey.

It’s going to be a new journey, its going to be a lonely ride without you but somehow I can sense some freedom, a new breath and a new life, a new beginning that follows after a hopeless ending.

Here I am,destiny had brought me to the final page of the book and to my own dismay this book doesn’t deserve a second read.I'll bring it back to the shelves,let the pile of dust hide it away from my sight forever."
-Shakespear
 


Maybe it's cause you're so used to familiarity that being in a new enviroment scares you? Or maybe you're just scarecd of rejection? Perhaps that's why you've been so off with me. To tell you the truth, I'm just making up excuses knowing that you're going to read this so that I don't have to face the truth. The truth of knowing that maybe this is how it's going to be like - the awkard hellos and thankful goodbyes. The deafening silence in between, and once we've gone our separate ways -  that feeling of knowing that either one of us was about to say something that might just end these awkward hellos and the deeafening silence, and perhaps because of that one line we might wish to never say goodbye. That's what I think, each time we talk, skype, tweet etc, especially when it comes to Skyping, because you'd be telling me that there's something important you need to say and you'd force me on Skype, then you'd rant on but I wouldn't understand and all of a sudden you stop and then it's just silence. I'd say I'm used to that silence, but I do miss the talking too! You've always been that listener to me, and vice versa. You'd always remind that if I ever had a 4am crisis, none of the people in my phonebook or most of the Facebook friends wouldn't come to my rescue. There'd just be you and 4 others.
I'd keep denying that, but you'd never have any of it. After some reflection, I've started to think that perhaps you might be right. Perhaps.

On another note. I start school at Mercedes tomorrow. The interview yesterday was quite alright. The headmistress kept switching from fun to serious, and that made me feel like I wouldn't get a spot, but then she said  "It'd be stupid of me, not to offer you a spot here, Maria" and I was just jaw-dropped. No one's said anything like that to me, especially no the headmistress of one of the best privatte schools in WA. I had to choose 8periods of electives, and so the headmistress - Mrs. Barber went through it with me. I took Media, Forensic Science, Criminal Law and Food & Nutrition. I really didn't want Food and Nutrition, I wanted Hospitality cause it was my bbest choice in that line. It was full up. She told me though, that if anyone changes out of it, then she'd let me know. I bought the uniforms today, summer is some tacky dress thing that I'll get used to. It's green!  Winter is a shirt, blazer and skirt. So I much prefer the Winter uniform but whatever. I'm in McDonald - Red house. So that's pretty cool, all the nice teachers are there. The interschool Swimming Competition is tomorrow, I'm not taking part this year, but am guranteed a spot next year. I've got to train up!

That's pretty much all I've got to say for now. Rebekah's posted her letter, haven't received it yet but then it should come in a couple of days. I'd have to take the public bus to school, but I'll only start doing that when I figure the routes out, and get my Student Card.

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