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20101212 @ Sunday, December 12, 2010
Everyone's depressed lately.....
It's kinda scary in a way....and yet quite comforting....
I know how it feels like to lose someone you love....
...
It's hard.
I know.......
~~~~~
I look at my family....everyone seems to have moved on since you left.....everyone except grandad and me.
At night I sit on my bed, look out the window and cry. Then I reread all the letter I wrote to you since you left. I try to accept the fact that your gone. It's hard, you know.
It's as if everyone's forgotten you.....almost everyone.
I guess they just moved on.....
It was 8.30am on my birthday that you finally stopped fighting.....
I was asleep without a clue that you'd be gone when I woke up.
Then boom.....Mom woke me up and said.....that....you left. It didnt hit me till 10minutes later.
I guess you knew, didn't you? That you had to go....yet you wanted to see me turn 14, but that morning Mom said you slept peacefully....even the nurse said so. You left us peacefully...but why did you have to leave me behind?
Today.......marks the day that Alex left Nick and me. Alex...she was well, Alex. She was depressed....and her family wasn't a happy one. She took her own life.....We were the first to find out. Next to her were 5 letters....one for me, one for Nick, one for Henry, one for Titanium, and one for both her parents.
The letter she wrote for me was sad....6 pages of truth from a tortured soul. put me to tears....
It's been a year....yet it still feels as though it was yesterday that the 4 of us were sitting on that abandoned bridge above the stream eating french fries and laughing our heads off. Snapping goofy pictures. But that peaceful look on your face when we saw you. It was unforgettable.......
BJ : You left me too.....WHY?? You were an awesome guy.....always happy and cheerful....Why'd you take away ur own life last week??? You helped get through the funeral....and the memorial. YOU..yes YOU were my shoulder to cry on.
I miss you guys so much.
Henry, one of my top best friends......is in a coma. Nick told me. Nick had flew him down here.....from NZ. Went to see him in hosp yesterday....looked into the window and saw him there, eyes closed, heart rate slow.....he looked so hurt and sad....I couldn't bring myself to touch the door handle....I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry......Henry, get well soon...I need you.
Okay yeah.....Jon? We gotta postpone it yeah........stuck in Ipoh.
I've been writting letters to Grandma....since the day of her funeral. Letters that mean so much, that would never get sent. So i bought a pretty gift box and put em inside and hid it. teehee.
This is a long post, i know. but well it's a blog aint it?
People keep saying "cheer up", "she's / they're in a better place", "you'll meet them someday", "they're always in your heart"
But it doesnt make the hurt go away......
I'm sorry. but thanks.
Well, I would like to write mre.....but I got to go....Leaving Ipoh early tmrw morning and heading back to KL for church.
Good Night!
Mia ; depressed
