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'96. I love books, music and Justin Bieber. May the odds be ever in your favor. x

This One is For You
20111117 @ Thursday, November 17, 2011
There will come a time when most songs will bring you to tears, and there will be times when you find yourself crying whenever you are alone (it is also the time when you try to keep yourself busy, so you wouldn't have to be alone)

In running away from yourself, you are at your loneliest.

There will come a time when you open your journal and pick up your pen, but there will be no words to write. And times when you pick up your phone to call your best friend but there just aren't any words to say.

All you need is a hug, but life is in your way.

When that time is now, please know that I am here. And that I am willing to hug you, that I would hug you. That I really want to talk to you but I just don't know what to say.

I miss the time when you called me in the middle of the night, crying, because this is when I felt closest to you. And now all I feel is a distance.

I try to be understanding, but I don't really get it, you see? 
Behold The Truth
Thursday, November 17, 2011
...I don't give a fucking fuck what the fuck is going on with everybody else, to be honest. If that makes me a selfish bitch, then I'm a selfish bitch....
Thursday, November 17, 2011
I Want To Keep Them

Awkward Moments At 4 In The Morning
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Ban Ho: If there's one thing I hate, it's fake people. 
Me: Yeah, mannequins kinda freak me out a little.


-awkward stare-
.....-laughs like crap-


Conversations with him are so epic :)


Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth of it.
-Ban Ho


I have no idea how he came up with that, but it was just weird when he brought it up, I think he had a mini Shakespeare moment or something. One thing I realized about him, was that it's been about 3 months since we'd actually talked and I would see him off and on but there would be an odd silence especially since the break, but even then things were okay, maybe it was more since the 27th of July. Yet nowadays he wakes me up no end, he'll continuously call me on Skype, so I somehow end up answering like this ;




That's when he starts laughing because I wouldn't understand a word he's saying, and I would be the blurrest person, and I would look crappier than those pictures, which by the way are courtesy of him.
Anyway, like I was saying it used to be so awkward but today it just seemed like everything was back to normal. That is until I realized we'd been talking for about 4 hours and it only seemed like 1 hour. That's when he said something, that made me feel weird. He reread some tweet on his timeline, it was something like; 


We all have that ONE person that we always have feelings for no matter what. Just one look, and it takes you right back to that moment.
To me that person is you.


If that's not awkward then I don't know what is. I looked at him like "What are you trying to say man?" 
"You know exactly what I'm trying to say."
I being the awesome person I am told him that if he wants to have this conversation, he can buy me some coffee tomorrow preferably Starbucks. He laughed, so cute. Then he agreed to do so.
Awkward moment put off till tomorrow. 


The conversation slowly went back to normal, until some random 21 year old girl IM'ed me on Skype, asking me if I was a lesbian. Then she said that I was hot, and here's pretty much how the conversation went, I think I was being pranked, but someone has to layan these lifeless people.



[4:12:00 AM] Nadira Dira: iii'
[4:12:04 AM] Nadira Dira: r u les
[4:12:22 AM] Maria Monash: no?
[4:12:26 AM] Maria Monash: why?
[4:13:22 AM] Nadira Dira: juz asking
[4:13:35 AM] Maria Monash: are you?
[4:13:57 AM] Nadira Dira: yes
[4:14:06 AM] Nadira Dira: tats  y i asking u
[4:14:11 AM] Nadira Dira: wt r u doing
[4:14:15 AM] Maria Monash: cool. I don't know you, do I?
[4:14:33 AM] Maria Monash: Blogging. Why me? 
[4:15:25 AM] Nadira Dira: WATCHING PORN
[4:15:41 AM] Maria Monash: Cool.  Turned on?
[4:15:58 AM] Nadira Dira: u turn me on
[4:17:09 AM] Nadira Dira: where r u styg..
[4:17:28 AM] Maria Monash: Hogwarts. you?
[4:17:57 AM] Nadira Dira: u mean which country is tat??
[4:19:18 AM] Maria Monash: California. You?
[4:20:19 AM] Nadira Dira: pj
[4:21:15 AM] Maria Monash: oh cool. malaysia?
[4:21:34 AM] Maria Monash: how old are you?
[4:21:54 AM] Nadira Dira: 21
[4:22:10 AM] Maria Monash: Which school were you from?
[4:22:53 AM] Nadira Dira: sri aman
[4:23:22 AM] Maria Monash: Cool. So how do you know me?
[4:32:53 AM] Nadira Dira : Same school. I saw u walking around and I thot u were hot. U sure u not les?


That has got to be the oddest conversation and the most boring one, that I've had at this hour. Ban Ho was laughing his head off when I forwarded it to him. Then he sent me a link, and when I clicked it, it went to Omegle. Then he said "I wonder how many other girls you turn on?" 
Disconnect. 


PS: I really need to pee.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
...He fucking left fucking Six-D...
Shit Just Mind Raped Me
Thursday, November 17, 2011

Homagad. I was looking at Kieran's timeline on Twitter and there in in his description box it said..
"#TheDanceScene, formerly in Six-D"




I stared at it and I went all ape mode while Skyping Ban Ho. FORMERLY? FORMERLY?
since when did it become fucking formerly? There should not be a formerly there.
What the fcuk is wrong with him? Homagad, he freaking left freaking Six-D.
 That's it, the world is going to end anytime soon. Everyone be prepared to say goodbye to your dogs, your houses, your aunts, your uncles, your moms, your dads and every other freaking person or thing you freaking care about. What the hell man? You left freaking Six-D just so you could be with Kherington?! Why man WHY? You can have a long distance relationship thing, why leave them?
So much for bro's before hoes
This totally destroyed my mood. urgh
A Sinking Boat
Thursday, November 17, 2011
“Someday, we’ll run into each other again, I know it. Maybe I’ll be older and smarter and just plain better. If that happens, that’s when I’ll deserve you. But now, at this moment, you can’t hook your boat to mine, because I’m liable to sink us both.”


I used to feel like I was drowning in all the noise loneliness made. 
But how alone everyone felt they remained made me all the more alone. And this made me feel more removed. This sort of became my death.
A Room To Write
Thursday, November 17, 2011

“A little room to write is all I need,” I wrote under a picture not too long ago. And I was being entirely honest.

I need a place where I can write everything I have always wanted to write without the fear of being disturbed or hearing a knock on my door that would cease the smooth flow of my thoughts. I need a place where there will be a window, through which the brightest sunlight would enter and I would hear the birds chirp.

 I am sitting in the laundry room, typing away at my laptop, amidst the noise of the kindergarten kids playing and the glare from the television down here. In the near distance (as conflicting as that sounds) I hear a vacuum cleaner buzzing. I know for a fact that the car is being cleaned. It is a beautiful Thursday, quite unlike any other, despite the variety of electronic sounds I hear. The sky is clear and so is my mind.

I set out to type this as a letter to a dear friend but I’m going to place it somewhere where everybody can read it. This is the way I write when I write to people. This is the way I’ll always write.

Amazing things happen when you least expect them. Like this phone call made by a close friend late last night, during which we talked so much that it was way past midnight. There was laughter and there were hilarious anecdotes. We discussed ample of issues and concurred on almost every one of them. It was a good feeling and after we finished talking to each other, I fell asleep quite comfortably. That is to say, I haven't been able to sleep for the past few days without getting recurrent nightmares and therefore I head to the kitchen and cook up some concoction. I have the power to wreck havoc.

I’m still recovering and I might need a few more days off to get back onto my feet but I have to thank God here for nothing in particular and everything that I own.

Because it is a lovely day, I just might do something special for myself. Write a letter perhaps or buy a present for somebody. Something little. Something to make the day worthwhile. Or I might just curl up in bed before my afternoon nap and finish reading the book I started yesterday.

For this moment, life is beautiful.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
I'm watching my brother use those cheap-ass pencils with erasers that fuck up the paper more than the mistake you want to erase.
Crash, Fall Down.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
there were a lot of things that i wanted to say. and a lot of things i'm sure he wanted to hear. but when it came down to it, i couldn't save us. not alone anyway. that had to be something we both wanted. and he wanted it too, at least that's what i heard in his voice and saw in his eyes, he just didn't know how to save something so fragile to begin with. and who could blame him?

this world is a dangerous place and people get dropped to the floor every day, but that doesn't make it anything less than beautiful.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
there comes a time when you just can't be where you are for any longer. maybe it's not literal, maybe it's something deeper. but when it happens, everything you do makes you feel trapped. moving forward, standing still, trying to force yourself into the past; it all seems useless. and sometimes, sometimes it is. sometimes you just have you wait for the right thing to happen, to come along and sweep you up into it's chaos. 
i haven't found it yet but i'll let you know.
Free WiFi?
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Using some random unprotected WiFi I found... from my room.
#Like a boss.

Skyping with Ban Ho at this hour is nice :)
I just realized how much I missed talking to him, about anything even random stupid shit or even just watching him laugh at my attempts to make him laugh after a rough day.



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