The Missing Machine
20111112 @ Saturday, November 12, 2011
There's a folder of pictures I can't open.
There's so many songs that don't sound the same.
There's a number I can't dial and a message I can't send.
There's a restaurant I can't eat at, not with any friends.
There's words and names I can only say in my head.
There's a pair of eyes that belong to you, that I can never look into again.
Why Guys Go To Strip Clubs
Saturday, November 12, 2011
This is written in response to Punk Chopsticks’ recent post about her dining experience in what seemed to be a restaurant full of ‘dreamy guys’. Note that the phrase ‘dreamy guys’ here refers to a group of dudes who spend their free-time staring blankly at the wall and, well, as suggested – dreams.
I’m so getting a roundhouse kick from that pair of chopsticks when I meet her, I tell you.
Anyhoos, in her article, she placed forward an analogy. And no, the term ‘analogy’ has nothing to do with the studies of anal whatsoever. Her hypothesis suggests that “Good food is a lot like good sex” and that guys going to strip clubs are “like going to a restaurant, ordering food, smelling it but not allowed to eat it”.
Seriously, smelling?
I dare not imagine further.
Well, I’ve came up with a few insights on why guys go to strip clubs. NOTE: This is in no way personal as I have never been into a strip club. A strip of clubs, on the other hand…never mind, those were the days.
Firstly, guys go to strip clubs because it is one place where they won’t have to experience the side of women that scares the wee wee outta them. In other words, guys who patronise strip clubs will avoid the torment of ‘nagging’, ‘complaining’, ‘elusive tantrums’, ‘bitching’, ‘sporadic questionings with intense traces of suspicion’ and ‘unreasonable and uncontrollable spending’.
Now, girls. The above terminologies were merely introduced for illustration purposes. The blogger is not suggesting that the mentioned traits are in every girl out there. There are some nice girls who don’t spend that much.
As for the second reason, guys enjoy strip clubs because they get to experience the side of women that they will never usually experience. Come on lah, let’s get real. Girls, will you, under normal circumstances, dance around your boyfriend/husband together with one of your BFFs in a highly suggestive manner wearing only pink fluffy furs over your boobies, a semi-transparent pair of thongs made of paper and literally nothing else?
Woah, this is getting a lil bit too graphical. I feel like I’m scriptwriting a porno.
But my point is, guys don’t usually get this sort of treatment from our mundane, sexless and un-colourful everyday life. Hence, it’s down to the club with the capital s for some booty shaking and lap-dancing. (Again, not implying that I’ve experienced any of the mentioned activities.)
Third, guys go to strip clubs solely for economic purposes. Yes, this theory is the most substantial and significant one among all. You see, strip clubs, like any other businesses, operates for the sake of gaining a profit and boosting the country’s national income. Therefore, when a guy becomes a customer of strip clubs, he is in fact contributing towards the nation’s economic growth. I have a very clear and concise exemplification to back up my theory.
Simply put, when a guy pays the strippers, it increases the strippers’ disposable income. And when them strippers have got the money, they’ll spend more on sexy lingerie. And what happen next? The lingerie industry obviously improves.
Now that the lingerie industry is booming, more and more people tend to invest in businesses involving lingerie. By now, most of the investors would have profited from the lingerie businesses that they’ve injected funds in. With that profit that they’ve reaped, they’ll pamper their selves by going to strip clubs and getting a lap dance from that stripper who had just bought a pair of new lingerie. And this cycle goes on. There you have it, economically lawyered.
So, guys, you are hereby justified to patronise strip clubs. It is your birth right to see that bitch take off her panty!
p.s. Nothing above should be taken seriously as the writer only intends to provide a few minutes of sheer entertainment at the time of writing and does not reflect her overall attitude and mentality in reality.