#669
20120731 @ Tuesday, July 31, 2012
If there’s one thing that I’ve realized over the course of time that I’ve been here, is the fact that it’s never hard to just move on and to accept the fact that the people you once thought would be with you through thick and thin, might just not be there for what reasons we’d never know. People assume that when you move it’s merely just a change of position, but really they’re so wrong it’s unfathomable. It’s a change of the relationship between friends, a change of culture, of maturity, of influence and at the beginning it’s pretty lonely. For one who has been to a total of 6 different schools in the past 10 years which are situated in different states and countries and for one who has changed kindergartens 4 times, it’s an overstatement to say that I know what it’s like. I do know what it’s like to have to leave the social life, the friends, the relationships and the life you’ve created behind and move to a different place knowing that things wouldn’t be the same if you turned back. I do use this as an advantage and help people who are in the midst of moving and find it hard. I do look at it negatively yet use it to help others. Maybe that’s why people say I should do psychology?
Often people don’t realize that it is harder than it seems, sure you get excited for a new adventure and sure it’s going to be different and sometimes you just need a change of environment and people but it is harder than what we make it to seem. People look at my family and see that we are easily adapted and we move at the snap of fingers – nothing meets the eye. We do move at the snap of fingers but it’s not all simple. Don’t get me wrong I love travelling and I’m blessed to be able to move from country to country and to experience new cultures and have new adventures, but I have this urge to put people in their place and correct their views on this aspect of my life and I’m probably not the only one who wants to do this, there are many people who want to tell the world how hard it is to move time and time again, but perhaps they just never find the words to say. People love using the fact that I move around against me and truthfully it really is starting to bug me. It is not my fault that I get to move around and you don’t nor is it my fault that our friendship disintegrated. It takes 2 to make a relationship work that applies to friendship as well.
One thing that everyone who has moved at least once in their life has gone through is the “Nothing’s going to change” phase. This is when everyone decides that nothing will change, except the distance between you two. That is complete utter bullshit, trust me – you never want to fall into that hole. Things will change, and some people know that but most don’t. Once you move, your friendships change no longer will you be in the circle and no longer will you be as close as you were with your friends and that’s when slowly you start thinking “Why was I friends with them?” at the beginning of the period after you move things will seem like they haven’t changed, your friends will contact you every day or every 2 days and as the weeks go by they start contacting you less and less which can be perceived in two ways it helps you move on in some sense and it also shows who your real friends are which is a pretty sad process. That’s when you start thinking “I took your words and I believed in everything you said to me, you promised me you’d be around. If someone said in 3 years from now you’d be long gone, I’d have stood up and punched their mouth because they’re all wrong but they knew better. Who knew?” Truth is, Pink really does portray this in her song “Who knew?” even if she was actually talking about some relationships, love relationships but it’s still legitly applicable to friendships. You won’t believe me now, nor sometimes do I believe myself but I know for a fact that it’s going to happen no matter how hard I try to hold on to people, most of them would be long gone in 3 years. No not dead nor have they run away – the way I see ‘long gone’ is that they would have moved on and I would have too maybe you’d still be friends but it’s not definite that you’ll be as close as you are and that things would be exactly the same as they were before. I’ve experienced it time and time again and yet it affects me. There is no way of running away from the hope of still being able to keep the friendship as close as it was but well if you know what is possible to happen then it won’t surprise you all that much, yes it will hurt but not as much as it would.
There’s also the “I miss you” phase which isn’t so different from the phase before but it hurts all as much. When someone says this to you, you get a little happy. Why? You’re happy to know that at least you’ve made an impact on someone’s life and they haven’t forgotten you and also it’s a sense of someone has thought about you for one second. It’s a nice feeling but I try not to give into it because after a while they miss you less and less and then just stop altogether. It’s hard for me to forget that their lives don’t revolve around mine and even if I’ve left they still have to live out their lives. It’s a stupid thought thinking that you mean everything to someone but it’s a hope that the media has instilled in us as stupid as can be we still have that small hope inside us. People say that this act of missing someone is selfish; I don’t know what my stand on that is. Missing someone could be selfish in a sense, perhaps because the act to miss is defined as ‘to feel sad because someone is not with you any longer or because you do not have or cannot do something any longer” so perhaps by reading that it is a little selfish but it’s also encouraging for the other person as the absence of the other is notified and therefore you feel sad.
After all that you feel ‘Reminiscence’ and you long for having the life you had when you thought you knew who to trust and you had a group of friends that you hung out with and you had your best friends and you long for being able to walk down the hallway and say hi to everyone and that you knew where to go and how to go get there you also knew all the hotspots and you weren’t cooped up in your room thinking about the life you had before but well it’s a slow way of moving on, once you realized what you no longer have you start looking for something to pursue and you focus all your sadness, anger and frustration in a positive way.
No matter what you go through, it takes time and soon enough you start living the life you once had only with a different group of people – it only takes some talking and putting yourself out there, introducing yourself to people in school and choosing the right group of friends. At first in that group you would feel a bit left out but then it’s just a matter of time before they realize how truly amazing you are.
Trust me, you’ll survive.
P/s : I'm planning to blog about my personal experiences during my latest move next. Don't know why, just felt like I should. Disclaimer : This may hurt a few people but well the way I see it is that I'd rather them know the truth rather than the lies because that's what I say to my friends - you have something to say? Say it to my face not behind my back and only Oli and Cynta seem to actually do that.
