Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times I’ve sat in my room and cried, how many times I’ve lost hope, how many times I’ve been let down. Nobody knows how many times I’ve had to hold back the tears, how many times I’ve felt like I’m about to snap but don’t just for the sake of others. Nobody knows the thoughts that go through my head whenever I’m sad, how horrible they truly are. Nobody knows me, and thats what I hate the most.

I know there really is no point in me wishing you on your birthday, since you won't see it.
I know there's  no point in me, trying to explain these things because you're no there to try to understand it.
Anyway, if not for you then I'm doing this for me.
Happy Birthday Nick! :)
I know I'm only blogging about this 6 days later, but I have legit reasons.

I've convinced myself that you're still around even though the painful memory of you still lingers, the fact that you're not here anymore. Why'd you go?

I remember those times when I would yell at you and ignore you because you did the most stupidest things. I can't do that anymore. although you have done THE MOST STUPIDEST THING IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.
We could have gotten through it, you know. You would have gotten better. 
Yet you still chose not to. The thing that really got to all of us , meaning Titanium, your dear dear girlfriend, Lynn, Victor....etc  the people you were close to was the fact that you CHOSE to, you fuuking chose to and to add to the depression you've left us with, not one person knew how much you were hurting inside.


You were the second most annoying 'brother' I have, even though the most annoying one is still that little brat walking around here somewhere.


Fact is, I still haven't accepted the fact your gone. Saying that on my blog is very risky. This whole post is risky, knowing that once it's posted, people will ask questions, and they will start treating me as if I'm depressed.
Is that a good or bad thing? I have no idea.


I'm going to go watch Titanium feature in some video. Then 'we've' got a photoshoot. So this post shall be continued. . . eventually.

"Never say goodbye, because saying goddbye means going away and going away means forgetting"
-NCY