#670
20120804 @ Saturday, August 04, 2012
August the 2nd 2012. It’s been exactly 168 since I boarded a flight in Malaysia to Perth. A 5 hour flight which would change things that I never thought would change. Like I mentioned in my last post people often think that moving is easy and it would be much easier for someone who constantly moves, they’re wrong. For those who haven’t moved countries once, imagine having to leave everything you’ve ever known behind and jump into a new environment containing new cultures, new people, new traditions, different food and many more things to adjust to. For those who have, then you probably understand what I’m saying more than those who haven’t. I am not here to complain about how hard it was for me to move yet again, and nor am I here to tell you that moving is a bad thing. Moving is not a bad thing, it’s a privilege and something you shouldn’t have to regret doing, as for the complaining I’m not complaining I am just telling people how hard it’s going to be, how hard it was and well just telling people the truth because I am tired of having to deal with the things people say and the opinions people have towards me prior to moving and after moving. Frankly, I am just tired of everything. I’m sorry to those who read this and feel hurt or to those who think I’ve accused you of something because I am not accusing anyone of anything, if something I’ve said sounds like you then I’d like you to know that sure it did hurt before but I’ve forgiven you and I’ve moved on. No I am not a saint so get that out of your minds right now. I just prefer to forgive and forget then move on but it took me a while to realize this, I used to just tell someone about how hurt I was because of something someone had said or done but now I am just going to blog about it or maybe just confront them about it because there really is no point in telling someone else about what’s going on when I can fix the issue on my own. I would mention names but then there’s no point in that now is there? So to those in Sri Aman, specifically the various groups of people I used to hang out with let the others see this, those who of you who do not have blogs because I need them to know.
I moved countries for the 3rd time in my life on February the 16th 2012, according to my parents; the plan was to move in August 2009 when I was in my first year of school at Sri Aman, but there were a couple of complications there and so the date kept being pushed forward. I was a rather naïve kid back then so being as naïve as I was I told everyone that I was moving only to later realize that I wasn’t till a later date, so 3 years went by, and my then my friends had already accused me of lying and therefore just stopped believing me. I knew this but by then I had some sense of maturity and just went on in life, because at that time I had it in my head that if they thought I was lying this time then it would be easier for everyone when I left. I was wrong. At first I told a few friends who then spread it out for me and eventually the groups of people I hung out with knew, of course they thought I was lying but that was part of my plan at the time. Soon enough I had a week left of school and I was busy running around trying to get the teachers to sign a form stating that I was moving and I had to collect so and so documents and hand in so and so documents and the books that the school had lent me. It was during that week that I realized that I must have been pretty used to moving because I didn’t feel the things that I thought I was supposed to feel, I was rather excited to move by then because having to move from country to country, state to state and school to school you got bored easily and start to yearn for change. Then there was my last interact meeting, it wasn’t as hard saying goodbye to them as I thought it would’ve been, I ended saying goodbye to the club I had worked hard to be in and the effort I had put in along with all the other club members to organize events and create awareness on issues that others were rather flippant about. I was an interactor and now to think of it I will always be an interactor. I then met Datin Mary, a family friend and a teacher at school – a lady whom I admired. I sat down and spoke with her for a little more than an hour as she collected and ran through all my documents, as she came to a paper with sticky notes stuck on it she looked at me and told me how sad it was that I had to leave so late in my schooling life when I’ve been nominated for a couple of positions – a position on the editorial board (as Datin Mary had seen my photography work in Parishlink – a church magazine) , a post on the Interact Board of Directors (as she had seen the work I handed in the year before when I was trying out) and a spot in PRS so yes it was just a little saddening to know that I could have a few positions in these clubs if I wasn’t leaving.
That’s all academically, now to the few harder parts. They say friends are the people who help you through the hardest times and get you to laugh through the tears and all the other things those people say. I had friends that I thought I knew were going to stick with me even if I moved. Ding ding wrong again. I kept thinking I knew things but truthfully I didn’t and it took a 5 hour flight to realize that. At that time I already knew that no matter what people say things would change and I wouldn’t be as close to the people as I would have been, but my friends somehow managed to elevate my hope and thus elevate my expectations. I had a group of friends HG – they could make you laugh even on the rainiest of days . . . sometimes. I loved them, and during the first few weeks after moving we did keep in touch that slowly died down. I had a friend then, she was a spectacular little thing we skipped cross country practice to just sit and talk, we talked for hours and she even shed some tears I never knew she was that hurt behind that metal smile of hers (she had braces, if you hadn’t guessed) and she promised me that she would keep in touch and update me on anything and everything and well I believed her and that was a stupid decision for me to make because we haven’t said much to each other other than the usual “how are yous”. She seems to have put up this barrier she once had, and I just I don’t know what to do anymore because either way things won’t be the same as it was when she semi broke down in front of me. I want to help her but I just don’t know how if she’s placed me on the other side of this barrier. It’s definitely different between HG and me nowadays, and it’s no one’s fault. It takes two to make a relationship work and I guess we both failed at that. I do still stay in touch with a couple of them, mostly a girl I barely spoke to when I was there but it’s different. I still am rather naïve; no doubt about it because once I left a few people told me how HG actually felt and well to summarize it I was a selfish lying devil and well I don’t blame them but I was rather flippant about it because to each his own. Months began to pass and soon enough I was attached to HG with a thread that was about to be snipped off it just depended on who was holding the scissors. There came a time when I was going to throw a surprise party for one of the 3 friends I had who made a point to check on how I was doing every week, even if it was just a plain “How are you doing? Really.” Facebook message and I started planning this just more than a month before the actual date, at first everyone said they were coming and then they began to tell me they couldn’t make it a couple of days before the event. I already knew what was going on there, she was not part of HG anymore and that didn’t matter to her but it did to me and to a mutual friend of ours. You know what? Screw it. I am just going to be straight out here and if you have something to say, comment or put it in the chat box, Facebook me, Tweet me or email me because that really did piss me off. So let’s do this again, shall we? I told everyone that I wasn’t coming back just so that when I rocked up at Olli’s birthday surprise, she wouldn’t have a clue that I was going to be rocking up and so I planned and the plans changed a few times then I got my dear friend Cynta to help me. We stayed up late Skyping and planning this birthday surprise, because Olli had never had a birthday party before and she was turning 16, her sweet 16. So everyone said they could come at first and slowly fewer and fewer people were able to make it, then we were left with just people from HG and that was alright because the HG was a bunch of people who could entertain themselves and others even if they were locked in an empty room. A couple of people said that transport would be a problem and I told them that Mum would be able to send them back and she’d be there, a few days later and we needed the final answer from everyone and everyone declined the invite. That night Cynta and I we got so pissed our Skype conversation was just hectic. It took us a while to realize this but HG if you hadn’t noticed, for everyone make the biggest effort possible to be at your party you needed to be an exclusive member of the group i.e Yen Fern’s birthday bash (sorry to have to use your birthday thing as an example, Yen). Sangeetha was about to kick my arse for not being able to attend, someone else was even willing to call my mother even though my reason was church. This party was planned over the span of 3 days and everyone well most people managed to attend. So well yes I was quite angered by this because what does that say about HG? Well it doesn’t matter anymore.
The party ended up being a rather intimate one. It was a party of 3 and all of us had a blast because Cynta, Olli and I we were bros and we could laugh over the tiniest things so we had a ball of a time! And Olli was definitely surprised so was Cynta. Well now to more positive matters, after drifting away from HG I gained another group of bros, though I do still consider HG as my friends and if they ever need help I would help them because they have been a part of my life and I can’t undo that nor would I ever want to. I gained a group of close friends that I absolutely adore - The Mafia Bros. Who are they? Just a group of beautiful princesses whom I never thought I would’ve been close to, but I do regret not being close to them earlier. Well these princesses are Sean, Mandeep, Kevin, Faheem, Kah Poh, Bazil, Syahiran, Amery, Chelsea, Rayhan, Ali, Kenneth and Shailesh those are the ones that I am close to. They’re my Mafia Bros and also Olli is somewhere in there on and off. I didn’t get to hang out with HG because well why would I? I knew what was going to happen everyone’s going to ask “How’s Australia?” and my answer would be ‘well why don’t you ask Australia how it is.’ Then they’d either ask me about things over there or they’d be talking to each other about things that I wouldn’t understand. So instead I hung out with Cynta and Olli a few times, or I went to school to pick them up and the 2nd week I was there I hung out with the Mafia Bros and the Sisterhood and Kendrick. It was nice having someone else in the Mafia Bros who knew how hard moving was – Faheem. I love that boy, he’s such an entertainer. We skype every night, the Mafia Bros – we make it a point to skype every night and if one person isn’t online, we Facebook message him to find out how he’s doing. That’s just how great they are. I know that I have gone far far away from the topic I started with but well, I was never one to stick to something. Maybe I’ll do a continuation of this some other time. I ought to.
Espoir infini x©
