The good ol' days.

"Some personal matters that I don't know how to handle that it feels like I'm always left hanging with unanswered questions. Emotional roller coaster as you may call it. I hate the feeling...

In times like these, no matter how hard I try to cope up, I still feel helpless. I try to keep myself busy so that my mind can focus on some other things, but at the end of the day, when you're all alone, they're all coming back to you. I tried to talk to somebody, especially those who proclaim themselves as your “best friend”, but they're so busy with their own lives that they can't spare you at least a minute or two.

So I keep it to myself, most of the time. I have to deal with the same set of emotions over and over again as if I've never had enough. Until when? I'm not quite sure."
-Fever, Finding Eben

"I’m not fascinated by people who smile all the time. What I find interesting is the way people look when they are lost in thought, when their face becomes angry or serious, when they bite their lip, the way they glance, the way they look down when they walk, when they are alone and smoking a cigarette, when they smirk, the way they half smile, the way they try and hold back tears, the way when their face says they want to say something but can’t, the way they look at someone they want or love… I love the way people look when they do these things. It’s… beautiful." — Unknown

I want those wall pads!

Amazing.

Well, all I'd like to say is congratulations to Colin and Nicholas for winning 2nd prize at this Kpop dance competition and for also winning the Fan Award. The both of you have not Skyped me since ... 3 weeks ago, I don't take your Youtube fame as an excuse so don't even try. So this is me damanding for details. By the way, since I just found out that you will be checking this post out, a friend of mine called both of you adorable. In my head I was just like it runs in the family. I would also like to demand for updates, and to keep Aunt Marian in prayers - she's sick and I think she's going for surgery, but other than that - you two. Skype me.

I'm tired of trying to figure you out. I'm tired of hearing people say "I'll talk to you soon" - they never do. I'm tired of the "I'm going miss you" - if you did we'd have had some sort of conversation by now. I'm tired of the shit that I give - the shit that gets crumpled and thrown away.I'm tired of these repeating lies. I'm tired of thinking each time is going to be different. Honestly, if anyone wants to talk to me, you make the effort; cause I am just so tired of starting the conversation and having to wrack my brain for things to say to keep the conversation going. I got no problem with saying goodbye; is it wrong that I'm going to have the time of my life? Cause honestly I just don't care.


Honestly, you brought this onto yourselves so don't blame me. I'm just so tired of everything. Most of all, I'm tired of the lies.  
Things really do change once you've moved, don't they? 

Good morning, everyone. This is the result of when a friend needs to talk at midnight and when another friend needs to talk at 7am. Doesn't she glow with joy?

I wish I could put all my thoughts in a jar. I think too much. It causes me to over-think and analyze things I don't want to deal with. It gets too much for me to handle and I panic. I shut myself down and go to war with myself. I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm tired of being sick. I'm sick of being tired. I'm sick of feeling sad. Sick of wanting things and people I can't have. I don't like who I am, but I have to live with it. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going in life. For once, I just want to be at peace with myself. 

Life is unfair. You put someone first who puts you second. You study your ass off for a final only to get a B in the class when you deserved an A. You give 110% to someone in a relationship when they only give 40%. You're there for your best friend at 3 a.m. when they need it the most, and the next day they don't pick up their phone. You give something your all and sometimes get little to nothing back. You care so much about someone who doesn't care enough about you to say hi once in a while. You give someone your time, and they give you "Sorry, I'm busy". It seems like you're giving everyone everything, and they're just walking away with it. 

Back to what she said ; 

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.
I wish for so many things, but never that I would not have met you. You are beautiful and funny and great .

For once, I want someone to be afraid to lose me. I'm always the one who is terrified of losing the person that I hold close, but I just don't see anyone who would ever fight to keep me in their life.

"And our hearts are bruised from longing..."

I think I like you. Problem is, you now confuse me. Where do we go from here? 

ESFPs generally have the following traits:

• Live in the present moment
• Are stimulated and excited by new experiences
• Practical and realistic
• Warmly interested in people
• Know how to have a good time, and how to make things fun for others
• Independent and resourceful
• Spontaneous - seldom plan ahead
• Hate structure and routine
• Dislike theory and long written explanations
• Feel special bond with children and animals
• Strongly developed aesthetic appreciation for things
• Great people skills

ESFPs are good at many things, but will not be happy unless they have a lot of contact with people, and a lot of new experiences. They should choose careers which provide them with the opportunity to use their great people skills and practical perspective, which will also provide them with enough new challenges that they will not become bored.

• Artists, Performers and Actors
• Sales Representatives
• Counselors / Social Work
• Child Care
• Fashion Designers
• Interior Decorators
• Consultants
• Photographers

If you believe that your destiny is decided, then most likely, it's decided. If you believe that nothing is decided, then most likely, nothing is decided. It's how a world is. A world is infinitely large, but actually, it's pretty small. The scope of what you can see; the scope of what you can hear; the scope of what your fingers can touch; the scope of what you can feel...and that's all. The world is a very small place, but for those who know it: it is very, very large. And the world, when it is viewed by those who know, is far larger than just one world can hold 

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

 What happens when you find out that you probably only get to see one of your closest friends only once a year, or not even at all? You wish her the best and you tell her that God has a purpose for her there. You also tell her that there's always Facebook, Twitter, Skype and Tumblr to keep in touch, and then there's the letters we send each other. Actually, this was what I said : 

• "Well, all wants aside. God probably has a job for you there, perhaps that's why you're sent there. It's a good experience
  Though you may miss your friends and KL, you'll get new ones and that's a good thing. It might just give you a better perspective of things, and who knows you might just find your hubby there 
  We can all always keep in touch through Skype. My mum's bestfriend went to Australia when they were 15 and they kept in touch through email and letters, they're as close now as they were then. With the technology now, I bet you can still keep in touch with your friends. It may be a different kind of relationship but it shows who really were your friends.

  I guess maybe it's cause everyone says don't go, including myself that we lose sight of what good might lay there for you."

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