#646
20120325 @ Sunday, March 25, 2012
Good morning, everyone. This is the result of when a friend needs to talk at midnight and when another friend needs to talk at 7am. Doesn't she glow with joy?
#643
Sunday, March 25, 2012
“Why have you been staring at me ever since we met? Because I’m not the Gail Wynand you’d heard about. You see, I love you. And love is exception-making. If you were in love you’d want to be broken, trampled, ordered, dominated, because that’s the impossible, in the inconceivable for you in your relations with people. That would be the one gift, the great exception you’d want to offer the man you loved. But it wouldn’t be easy for you.”
- The Fountainhead
#642
20120324 @ Saturday, March 24, 2012
#643
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Sometimes lemonade helps keep your mind off things.
#641
Saturday, March 24, 2012
#640
20120321 @ Wednesday, March 21, 2012
One of my close friends said something to me that perhaps only the ones who move around would understand the feeling but that doesn't matter, it probably applies to everyone in different ways/situations. She said "You know something I realized ; as much as people say they'll miss you they'll get over it really soon cause they still have all their other friends it doesn't really make a difference after a while you're the one who'll REALLY miss them."
My answer to that made more sense in my head compared to reading it from the screen but I don't know, I guess I've just gotten so used to it, it doesn't affect me anymore - that feeling I mean.
"Do you miss your Malaysian friends?
"Hmmm, not really no.I miss some of them, but it's not as much as I thought it would be" It took me a while to realize this but once I did - at first, I felt bad for not missing them, but then it stopped. I do miss some of them - the Kakis, Youth and a few others but school friends -not really. Not even the humans, I must say. I have no idea why but it's not like I can make myself miss people. I'm getting red highlights the next time I go back home. Is red an aye or nay?
Back to what she said ;
It's true. no doubt about it, but then again sometimes you just think you will but you don't.
Not all the time. Sometimes you just miss them at certain times e.g when something reminds you of them.
It's a different experience for everyone, but one thing I know for sure is that no matter what we all move on.
It doesn't matter if someone misses you or not really, it matters if you've made a positive impact on them, and if it's a big impact they will always remember you and maybe they don't openly miss you but they might just have that one puzzle piece that misses you.
Life is like a puzzle, friends are like some puzzle pieces if they fit -they're remembered but if they don't then they're just forgotten or only remembered at a later time. It really doesn't matter, it just matters if they've had a positive impact on you and the fact that if you appreciate they're impact enough then you shouldn't lose that puzzle piece.
I wish for so many things, but never that I would not have met you. You are beautiful and funny and great .
#639
20120319 @ Monday, March 19, 2012
Someday no one will remember that I ever existed, I wrote in my notebook, and then, or that I do. Because memories fall apart, too. And then you're left with nothing. Left not even with a ghost, but with its shadow. In the beginning, he had haunted me, haunted my dreams, but even now, just weeks later, he was slipping away, falling apart in my memory, and everyone else's. Dying again.
Perhaps it is all my fault. Maybe I loved too much. Maybe I prayed too hard.
Monday, March 19, 2012
The painful moment when you finish a great book and you hug it and you cry
and then you look around
and all these people continue living as if nothing happens
as if you didn't just got murdered by a book
and you can't comprehend
and you feel like screaming "I JUST DIED! I JUST DIED, YOU IDIOTS!"
and crawl into a hole
and stay there
because you can no longer feel anything else other than pain
agony
depression
as if you can never be happy again
like you just had an encounter with the Dementors
and barely escaped with your soul.
#638
20120318 @ Sunday, March 18, 2012
"And our hearts are bruised from longing..."
I think I like you. Problem is, you now confuse me. Where do we go from here?
#637
Sunday, March 18, 2012
So I took this quiz/questionnaire thing called Myers Briggs ...something. Here's what I got.
- Live in the present moment
- Are stimulated and excited by new experiences
- Practical and realistic
- Warmly interested in people
- Know how to have a good time, and how to make things fun for others
- Independent and resourceful
- Spontaneous - seldom plan ahead
- Hate structure and routine
- Dislike theory and long written explanations
- Feel special bond with children and animals
- Strongly developed aesthetic appreciation for things
- Great people skills
Possible Career Paths for the ESFP:
- Artists, Performers and Actors
- Sales Representatives
- Counselors / Social Work
- Child Care
- Fashion Designers
- Interior Decorators
- Consultants
- Photographers
#636
Sunday, March 18, 2012
#635
20120317 @ Saturday, March 17, 2012
What happens when you find out that you probably only get to see one of your closest friends only once a year, or not even at all? You wish her the best and you tell her that God has a purpose for her there. You also tell her that there's always Facebook, Twitter, Skype and Tumblr to keep in touch, and then there's the letters we send each other. Actually, this was what I said :Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum
"Well, all wants aside. God probably has a job for you there, perhaps that's why you're sent there. It's a good experience
I guess maybe it's cause everyone says don't go, including myself that we lose sight of what good might lay there for you."
Though you may miss your friends and KL, you'll get new ones and that's a good thing. It might just give you a better perspective of things, and who knows you might just find your hubby there
We can all always keep in touch through Skype. My mum's bestfriend went to Australia when they were 15 and they kept in touch through email and letters, they're as close now as they were then. With the technology now, I bet you can still keep in touch with your friends. It may be a different kind of relationship but it shows who really were your friends.
It's impeccably sad that I don't get to see her until Christmas or maybe even next year. Well it doesn't matter, she'll survive it.
#634
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Colin and Nicholas
20120316 @ Friday, March 16, 2012
HAHAHAAHA They try and promote 2NE1 in Chinese lol
#632
20120314 @ Wednesday, March 14, 2012
from The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
This past week has been ...interesting. Interesting is probably not the right term for it, but my brain seizes to find the right word for me. Monday was a holiday - Home Study Day/Student Free Day. Yes, we get a holiday for being a student over here. Tuesday, hmmm well we got our permission slips for our Social with Trinity. The train service had stopped due to some fire or something, so half the school didn't show up till after 2nd period or later. Everyone claims it's the day that Perth stood still, which I really don't understand; the only thing that happened was that the train service stopped. We had Media that day, and it was one of our last classes to finish our assignment, Olivia wasn't there cause she was sick and she was team leader. The team leader of MJOC. Claire was late due to the train service thing. So it was only Jasmine and I at the begining of the lesson, which was pretty interesting if I might say so myself. She is a character ; fun person to be around. Well during the first half of Media, Jasmine and I recorded the voice overs for our Sand Advertisement, after doing so we started trying to crush an invincible lollipop. No joke, the lollipop really was invincible, we started with throwing it on the ground, stepping/stomping on it, standing on it, throwing it against the wall = didn't work. Then we tried putting it under the foot of a table and getting Jasmine to sit on it, then I joined her = didn't work. I came up with the genius plan of putting it against the door frame and using the door to smash it. I used the door leading into Mr.Belshore's room, as I was trying to smash this lollipop with the door, Mr Belshore enters his room and just stares at me. I stared at him and slowly closed the door, trying to blend into the room I was in. Jasmine and me started laughing like Hyenas, she said my reaction was just hilarious. Jasmine tried turning into Humongosaur ( Ben 10) with her Omnitrix and tried crushing it = failed. Then she tried staring it = also failed. She then decided that she would go outside and throw it down - our Media class is on the 3rd floor. Even that failed. Claire had to pick it up on her way up, and then it someone crushed it and gave it back to her. It was interesting. We then realized that the voice recorder we were carrying around was recording, we played it back on the computer and all of us laughed when we realized that I sound like some kind of dude. Today, we got our Math test marks back 40/50 was what I got, and I was just like - I'm sorry Miss Foley, I think you might have been mistaken, but she was insistent that it was my paper. I danced all the way home. Okay not really. MJOC is going to Olivia's house tomorrow to finish the filming for our Media assignment. I've got a Science, English and S&E test coming up. I really need to watch Edward Scissorhands, or I might just fail English. On Friday we go Bowling with the Trinity boys, Jasmine is trying to set me up with her friend Malcolm (God save me). Hope she forgets. Today Hannah, Chyan, Rita, Claire and I were talking and Hannah started talking about this dance group that Nick was familiar with and so I told her about Nick. Funny how when she asked me "What's he doing now? Still dancing?" I just go "Oh. He's dead" very flatly and then after a moment of silence, I start laughing. Hannah asked how, and I explained the portions that I was absolutely certain of. The rest, well lets just let it float in the sea of the unknown for a while.
My wrist has been hurting for the past few days, it's swollen at some portions. Mum says that she might have to take me to a doctor if it gets worse. She says that I might have arthritis because my bones have been giving me some pains recently. Especially my back bone - when I sneeze. Doesn't matter though, hopefully it gets better. It's affected my fingers, I think it's due to the stab mark on my right arm because I am pretty sure that when it pierced my skin it, it hit my bone.
Doesn't matter though.
I keep thinking today is Thursday and tomorrow's Friday. I shall now retire to my bed :)
Oh and guess what?! I got mail! :)
My wrist has been hurting for the past few days, it's swollen at some portions. Mum says that she might have to take me to a doctor if it gets worse. She says that I might have arthritis because my bones have been giving me some pains recently. Especially my back bone - when I sneeze. Doesn't matter though, hopefully it gets better. It's affected my fingers, I think it's due to the stab mark on my right arm because I am pretty sure that when it pierced my skin it, it hit my bone.
Doesn't matter though.
I keep thinking today is Thursday and tomorrow's Friday. I shall now retire to my bed :)
Oh and guess what?! I got mail! :)
#631
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Get up. Go to the mirror. Look yourself in the eye. And tell yourself how beautiful you are. How confident you are. How filled with love you are. How possible everything is. How wonderful the world will be today. Because it is. And you are.
20120311 @ Sunday, March 11, 2012
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
- Isaiah 6:8
KONY 2012
20120307 @ Wednesday, March 07, 2012
#628
20120306 @ Tuesday, March 06, 2012
And yet, when you get here, you are not given instructions. No one tells you that heart A is meant to slot into heart B. There are no diagrams about how you are meant to live each day or directions on how to assemble some semblance of happiness. You are not even told what colours to paint your feelings or, given a purpose and a reason for your life.
You have to make all of it up. You have to make all of it, yourself.
Today:
- My Rel Ed teacher is one scary tall lady.
- Jasmine + Olivia are the most hilarious people to be around.
- I wore my swim-pants underneath my uniform for PE and only realized that I forgot to pack me undies after PE. Thank God, it was the 2nd last period today, so I wore my swim-pants and got on a bus with a wet bum.
- Forgot to take my English books out of my locker, didn't have time to go get it. Thankfully Mr.Slo is a nice man!
- I got off at the wrong bus stop, therefore had to walk all the way home, in killer leather shoes.
Then I managed to Skype Appu, and Daniel annai which was really nice. It's nice being able to talk to family. I have a Math test tomorrow, and English homework to do. I have to also remember to wear my underwear tomorrow - Yes I'm a very open person. Rita, is probably the prettiest Korean, Russian speaking girl I have ever met. Cheers to you!
I mean I would date her. Anyone would date her. She's that beautiful. Kendrick is just asdfghjkl adorable, he says worship songs makes him feel better and that just escalated his adorable-ness. Thanks for being there bro! And also thanks to Rebekah, Cynta and Esther oh and Maddy for being there too. It's going to be a horrendously rough couple of weeks, it's nice to know that I have people there that I'm able to vent out to. It's time for me to attempt going to bed. Goodnight.
P/s : Good luck to those who're sitting tests/exams tomorrow especially the ones sitting History or S&E papers. You're going to need it. Let this image keep you going! :)
I'm in need of a life.
#627
20120305 @ Monday, March 05, 2012
Dear Girl nursing a broken heart,
“Sometimes you just have to erase the messages, delete the numbers and move on. You don’t have to forget who that person was to you; only accept that they aren’t that person anymore.”
You know world over, genders alike, there is one disease that is slyly killing vulnerable souls even of the strongest of exteriors-heart breaks. The higher brains need to develop some vaccinations or immunity from heartaches instead of spending time, resources and intelligence on things like bacteria and atoms. Meh! The world is equipped to handle itself-we collapse miserably when it comes to managing the inner void, desires and unrequited love.
Everyone may smugly think they are above it-no sir, you are not and definitely not you ma’am. You mistake tumbling for love and you've just not fallen still how you should. We all are likely to get enslaved, with or without our knowledge or permission. The higher you fall in fantasy of someone, the lower you sink in depths of despair after having lost him or her. Love in the extremes is really what and how love should be and hence the most difficult to bear by your insides whichever side the see-saw dips. Even when at its brightest and most passionate, it burns you yet with restlessness!
It is not the moving on part which is difficult-it is the fact that you keep turning back to see if there are any remnants of what you sowed or has the harvest been burnt beyond recognition. You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see but how does one close the heart to stop it from feeling what you don’t want to? Yes, it is that tough and you are not alone my pretty one in feeling thus.
It is sad when the people you know become the people you knew. It is not so impossible to comprehend the bafflement of how you spend hours with someone discussing life as though he was a fabric of it and suddenly he gets covered in a veil that you find difficult to pierce through or reach out to, however you squint your eyes and fuck your brains for it. With every deep breath you take to puff yourself up with courage, you know something inside always crumbles. You wait for him to realize what he gave up on and repent while the wait slowly withers you within.
Love is like that-sweetest when it is lifting you up and cruellest when it throws you with a thud. You wish he chokes on the words when he says “I love you” to another girl. What makes you most generous, can very well turn you most heartless-for it robs you of all emotions. And when someone leaves without a reason, it becomes a sore point and pull for life, a point of no return.
People say that the most painful thing in love is losing someone whom you loved; not really-the painful part begins when you realize that you lost yourself in the process. The ache culminates into anger, frustration, regret and hopelessness borne out of the doubt and that tormenting, looming question-why did you allow yourself and your happiness to be dependent on one person?
Love stories that do not wrap up in a “happily ever after” are the strongest. It is perhaps because they leave us with many ‘what-ifs’ that you turn and toss over despite being on the most comfortable of beds that life may offer. We crave to hear the truth...Was that the truth when you said you loved me as if there was no other human filling up the earth or is this the truth when you choose to look through me like I am unwanted or non-existent?
Girl, do you hear Beyonce play in the backdrop while I talk to you? “You are the only one I wish I could forget and the only one I love to not forgive. You’re everything I thought you never were and nothing like I thought you could have been....” Beyonce is a wise girl. Love can make or break, give or take, mourn and elate. Such an oxymoron!
So now that you are ruined, how do you help you? Talking does the trick-not to someone else per se but to yourself. The brain may be the smartest of all organs but silliest when it comes to being convinced and especially of an argument born in itself. Cry a river-build a bridge-get over it. Tears perhaps were watery by default for a reason-they cleanse as they drain. Don't fight them, don't resist the closure for therein might lie the key. Let him know how you feel now-for if he wanted to hear how you felt when he tingled your body with mere words, he ought to know how he makes it shudder too.
You have to remind yourself that he may continue to live in your heart but there was no way, he could have lived in your life. And until you are broken, you don’t know what you are made of. Collect the pieces and start as a whole again. Try not to remember half the things you will never forget. The best way to ensure you don’t go treading back on his path again, is to erase the footprints you walked along with and uproot the milestones that lure you to digress again.
It is often seen that people jump into one relationship from another. It is not because they are fickle-it is the best way to nurse the wound of the organ which was meant to just pump blood but does everything unspecified instead. A new muse for the broken heart is as necessary as new strings for a guitar that loses its rhythm. It helps you to not keep running back to the one person you need to walk away from.
So keep the mind alert and heart open to allow the one who suits your fancy again but be patient for comparisons would set in and it would be a while before you find someone interesting again. But then you will-that’s how we are conceptualized. You tend to find things that attract you and the things that attract you tend to somehow reach to you.
Also vomit the anger and pain on someone who is ready to take that shit from you-there always is. Be proud of every blow made at your heart for it left you with lessons that made you stronger and wiser for future. And remember you can never make the same mistake twice, the next time it will show a choice. You can never be “just good friends” with someone you loved once-the feelings fade with time or injury, but they never die if they truly lived when they did. So don’t look to be friends, accept the anonymity.
Realize that what is dead must be buried before it deforms to something ghastly. Realize that you can live without him-his first mistake was leaving you and then now, allowing you to bring to fruition that you can live without him. The very people who said they would never hurt you are the very those who take your heart to task. Guard yourself and your self respect. Don’t dismiss it in the name of pride-respect it in the name of your individuality. Anything that does not make us happy has no right to live even in the periphery of our existence.
It will hurt for a first few weeks, maybe even months but then life moves on, love learns to unlearn and heart aspires to mend and fend for itself again.
I know dear girl, it seems the end of the world for you fear you won’t find anyone this perfect again. His perfection was an illusion-a pedestal where YOU raised him to for nobody is perfect and that’s what he should become-a nobody. Learn to unlearn, grieve to rejoice, rise again to stamp down-chin up and smile to scare the doubts away and drag yourself out of the bottomless pit. There are many who deserve you in all your glory so gather it before you lose the sunshine.
And then keep the faith-Love does not hurt, lovers do.
Take care and heal fast,
Yours lovingly,
Been there, seen that.
[mytumblingthoughts]