#624
20120223 @ Thursday, February 23, 2012
...I silently wish each and everytime I look up that one day I'd see them again. One day. I wish that maybe one of these days, as I walk down to the bus stop or even to Coles, that perhaps I'll hear those familiar sounding footsteps walking behind me. I'd dismiss the thought of it ever being him, and I'd continue heading to my destination. Maybe that day whilst I'm at the self-service cashier place, that perhaps someone will tap my shoulder and I'll turn around to see him, in the flesh. Him, the one whose closer to me than my family, closer to me than any friend I've had. The boy I've known since I was 3, the boy who continuosly lied about his past, only to reveal it to me at a better time. The boy who I watched grow, and the boy who's footsteps I want to follow. He's my role model. Not Dad, not Mum but Nick. Nick was my imperfectly perfect brother. It may not be by blood, but that has not one inch of significance to me.
Or maybe it's just wishful thinking...
RIP Nick.
20120216 @ Thursday, February 16, 2012
#622 - My Valentine?
Thursday, February 16, 2012
"We're just ordinary people"
#621 - V-Day Pet Peeve
20120215 @ Wednesday, February 15, 2012
#620
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, what you too? I thought I was the only one"
Recap.
On Saturday, Esther and I went to SA during their road run, it was a time for most goodbyes. We went and I bid some farewells. We then took the LRT to Taman Jaya and had lunch with Oli at Amcorp Mall. Gobbled down our food, and the 3 of us fast walked back to my place, as it was already 4pm, and that was the time we were supposed to leave home for City Youth.We met Sonia and jumped into the car. We joked around in the car, and got off at Kingdom City. It was awkward when we walked into the Youth place, but then we knew 2 poeple there so it wasn't awkward for long, thankfully. Kendrick's voice is just beautiful, I tell you. After the message that was given by Rudy Chew, Esther was a bit emotional. She dismissed it and we rushed home, changed and then went for a farewell and also a birthday party that was held at Daniel Chai's house by the Youth of my church. I didn't get thrown into the pool, sadly cause it was raining. The rain did help us interact more and get to know a little bit more about one another, so it was worth it. Let me paint you a picture of the party.
 |
| Sam speaks |
 |
| Trying to understand the rules of Friendzee |
 |
| Let the games begin |
 |
| The Kaki's |
 |
| Sam trying not to look at anyone during a game of Mafia. |
 |
| Look! Big Ball! |
 |
| Jon's creepy Mafia smile |
 |
| Sam's hilarious attempt to not die. |
 |
| Isn't your tummy growling at this wonder? |
 |
| "Pick the question under your left thumb" "Errrr" |
After the great bonding party, Rebekah, Sonia and Esther came back to my house, as they were staying overnight. We had food and were ready to party whilst they helped me pack, at that time the box was in my room but nothing was in it. Then the expected happened, Rebekah and Sonia fell asleep. It was just asdfghjkl amazing, I've never seen them sleep so early (12.30am)
So the packing was left to Esther and I. We packed and threw away 80% of the crap from my table. We talked whilst doing it, the poor girl was so sleepy. Eventually we decided we'd empty my closet and just clear the table. It was nearly 3am by the time we were done, so we decided it was time to knock out. We woke at 8am. Sonia, Rebekah and I were part of the Praise and Worship team for Youth that Sunday. I was on the guitar, Rebekah on the piano and Sonia was singing. We grumbled and rolled around till 8.45am. Sonia was the first to get ready, so by the time we actually got out of bed, she was already dressed and was straightening her hair. I have no idea how she'd live without a straightener.
We were late. Quite late. We were supposed to be in the room at 8.30, we were there at 8.45. Oh well. We practiced once, then we played and let me tell you out of all the times we've led Praise and Worship, this one was the best. I think it was cause all the songs we did were the ones that ALL of us knew, so that was good.
After Youth, all of us stayed back to witness the drama of the PCC AGM. It's church politics, hard to explain. It was a blast, Rebekah introduced me to this 17 going 18 year old boy named Casper, he's from Miri. I made a new friend! :)
He too stayed to witness drama. Our drama needs weren't that satisfied with the AGM this year, and it got boring after a while plus we were starved, so we went out for lunch dragging Casper, Jon and Jason with us. We crossed the road and headed for Amcorp Mall. None of us could decide what to eat so we just headed to McDonald's. Rebekah and Esther disappeared for a bit, so all of us took up 2 tables and started yacking away. Once Rebekah and Esther resurfaced, I went photo frame hunting with Deb. I bought 2, I found them rather interesting.Once they ate and everything, which took ages. We headed back, and the PCC AGM was still going on. It was already 4 and the meeting started at 11. It was rather fascinating that a meeting could go on for that long. Quite fascinating. Once the meeting was over, we said our goodbyes. Rebekah, Esther and Sonia had put together money and bought me gifts! They bought me a notebook with notes from everyone and 3 badges. Rebekah and Esther were going out with their families for lunch, whilst Sonia and I hung around at home then we found out we were going for an extremely late lunch at Sri Paandi's. We got out of the car and stepped into Paandi's only to see Esther and Rebekah sitting at a table for four. We went up to them and laughed about the huge coincidence and ordered drinks. The lady whom we ordered our drinks from was new and kept on coming to our table asking questions. We took pictures and had long chats, we laughed so much our stomachs ached. That's what I call friendship. The relationship I have with these people is my definition of Friendship. After a while it was time to bid yet another farewell, it occured to us that this was going to be the last time I'm seeing these people, until I come back in July. We hugged and took more pictures. Esther left first, followed by Sonia, Rebekah and I. Rebekah looked like she was about to cry. I know I was. Sonia came to my house to wait for her uncle. Half an hour later her uncle comes, and I say goodbye.
I went home holding back tears. I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
That was the end of my weekend with The Kakis.
On Monday, I took my braces off and collected my retainers. My teeth now feel naked. Tuesday, Hung out with the Lims at Sunway Lagoon, then I went and spent time at school. Disappointment was instilled in me when I found out that close friends were talking about each other. Texted, tweeted and FB chatted with Kendrick (roses) the entire day. He just can't get enough of me ;)
Wednesday, I have yet errands to run for mum and also to finish packing then I have a mamak sesh with the girls from school. Roses said he wanted to join us but then it would be awkward. I'm guessing he's decided against it.
Let me paint another picture of Sunway with the Lims.
 |
| Lim 2 behind bars |
 |
| Ray Ray behind bars. |
 |
| Jenny attempts to take obscene picture. |
 |
| Swimming in Sunway Lagoon. |
#619 - Autocorrect
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
#618 I Will Try To Fix You
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
You.
You know?
I can never fix you.
Only you can fix yourself.
All I ever said was ; I'll be here.
Don't make yourself suffer anymore.
I want to earn your trust again, one day.
All you ever do is ; Stay away, hide and cry.
I can only hope and pray for you.
You're in so much pain.
You don't ever.
Trust.
Anymore.
In me.
But I'm still here, after all the heartbreak.
You're also still here, after all the pain.
You say you don't want to but you're still here.
We're not moving along.
Maybe we won't.
So don't lie to yourself anymore.
Free yourself.
Fix yourself.
Remember, this is all about you.
Don't do what you don't want to do cause you're afraid.
Life's too short to be afraid of anything.
That's why I'm here.
You know?
I can never fix you.
Only you can fix yourself.
All I ever said was ; I'll be here.
Don't make yourself suffer anymore.
I want to earn your trust again, one day.
All you ever do is ; Stay away, hide and cry.
I can only hope and pray for you.
You're in so much pain.
You don't ever.
Trust.
Anymore.
In me.
But I'm still here, after all the heartbreak.
You're also still here, after all the pain.
You say you don't want to but you're still here.
We're not moving along.
Maybe we won't.
So don't lie to yourself anymore.
Free yourself.
Fix yourself.
Remember, this is all about you.
Don't do what you don't want to do cause you're afraid.
Life's too short to be afraid of anything.
That's why I'm here.
[Ri]se
#617
20120210 @ Friday, February 10, 2012
"We'll keep in touch"
"I'll text you, I promise"
"We'll talk everyday"
Some people even cried on my last day at Sri Aman. So why is it then that no one has attempted at making any form of contact with me other than Oli ? Then once I start up a conversation with them, all of sudden they say that I'm missed. None of it makes any sense to me.
Am I overreacting? Frankly, I have no idea and also I don't really care. Maybe it's finally sinking in that I'm actually leaving all of this behind. It's hasn't even sunk in yet, it's more of dripping. Drip, drip, drip. Dripping at a slow pace. It could be because I've always known that I was eventually going to move to Australia and I've let them know since Form 1. It's not they're fault that all this "We'll keep in touch, I promise. Nothing will change" talk elevated my hopes. To only know now that they're just going to crash and burn. It gets tiring trying to keep friends, once you move. I've been to 6 schools so far ever since I was 6. I've become so tired of starting conversations and keeping close friends close each time I move. I stopped school, 3 weeks ago and now I feel like I'm invisible to them. Attention craving? I don't know. I'd just like to know that maybe I'd made my mark on someone's life. I'd like to know that there are people out there who miss me enough to keep in touch. It's just tiring losing friends each time I move, especially close ones.
Back to the original topic; like I mentioned above, I've been feeling rather crappy. On Wednesday, I was sitting on the counter in the kitchen, hunched forward over a piece of paper that I was doodling on. The bell rang, I wasn't in the mood to answer it. (Yes I can be a real drama queen when I want to ) so I asked Ian to get it. He went out through the back and spoke to whoever that was at the door. I tried to make out the mumblings of their conversation, but didn't quite manage to translate it into English. Gave up and went back to doodling. The front door opened and shut, "Ian! So who was it?"
no response.
"Jie! These 3 people said that mum's sick and she was admitted into hospital!" (My brother calls me sister in 2 different languages. It changes daily and it's hard to keep up with)
I jumped of the counter, in the process of doing that - hit my head against the rack above and kind of fell to the ground. By then my brother was standing at the doorway laughing. "I was just joking" he said. I was so close to wrapping fingers around his neck and squeezing it. I walked out of the kitchen and was mobbed. Everything happened too fast for me to process. I remember there being two people standing behind me rubbing my head cooing, and all of a sudden I'm being dragged to my couch and then I see Jenny carrying a first aid kit. I was flabbergasted. It took me 10seconds to process everything. I jumped off the couch and jumped on the both of them. Lim 2 managed to get away but Lim 1 was stuck under me. I rolled off him and stood up, and stared at all 3 of them - one of my many attempts to process the fact that these people were standing before me. RayRay (Lim 1) and Lim2 got up and gave me a hug. It's been the longest time since I've seen these rascals. For those who don't know, these 3 butt-heads were my Dad's neighbours back in Australia, a few years ago. I met them the first night I took the garbage out, never regretted doing that. Not only were they his neighbours (not neighbour exactly, they stayed in the same suburb) but RayRay and I went to the same school in Parnell. Small world, ain't it? I'd never talked to him in Parnell though. To him, it's kind of like fate that we bumped into each other again. It's an agreeable statement.
The last time I saw them was back in '09. We kept in touch through Skype, Letters and E-mail. Yes this boy, wrote me letters :) It made his girlfriend at that time jealous. haha.
They took me out for lunch at some place in the middle of Shah Alam or KL or some place. I took pictures of them as to not forget them, not like I will but just in case. They're my anti-depressants.
 |
| Lim 1's version of The Boys. "Bring the boys out" |
 |
| Lim1 and Lim2 |
 |
| Jakuns. Lim1, Lim2 and Lim3. |
Sadly none of these people own a Facebook account, I'd probably embarrass them if they did anyway.
Sunway Lagoon with them either tomorrow or Sunday :] #buzzed.
Carpe Diem and Press On!
#616
20120209 @ Thursday, February 09, 2012
The History of R&B
20120207 @ Tuesday, February 07, 2012
#614
20120206 @ Monday, February 06, 2012
If you sit in a room with six people long enough it will become clear that one person is the best in the room at telling stories, encouraging conversation and just generally being the group entertainer.
If you got that group together with another group of six people, between their entertainers there would be one who was the best. Double the group size again and again the best stands out.
If you follow it all the way up, the leaders, entertainers and innovators aren't necessarily selected by providence. Maybe they achieve their position by chance, but once they are there the only way they can retain the throne is to actually be worthy of that position.
Electric Lights Everywhere
This is what I call Long Distance Relationship.
20120205 @ Sunday, February 05, 2012
#612
20120131 @ Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Labels: I Wrote This For You
#611
20120130 @ Monday, January 30, 2012
Bij came back! He's back! He's back! Call the paparazzi! Mr.David Lee is back.. finally. He's back in the best condition = nose bleed. No shit, he came back and got a nose bleed. We had to send him to the hospital and bring him back."I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence." -John Green
The best comeback ever. No more Skype conversations with this boy. Sadly, he left Kevin back there. He's grown, so tall now. Someone's coming to Australia with me.. for a while. I have pictures of him ever since he was the tiny kid :)
See how much he progressed? From a slimy little bij, to a adorable older bij.
Off to mamak with the boy tomorrow, had 2 choice : a) To go to Sri Aman and visit all em' people. b) have a teh tarik session with David, AND he pays for everything.
I chose c) Mamak with David then off to SA if I'm not too late. Which will be high posibility... hopefully, if I don't get carried away. If I choose not to go, the SA-ians will have to forgive cause well, bros over hoes I've seen them for nearly every weekday for the past 4 years, and I only see him through a little camera twice a week, if I'm lucky.. that was until my 15th Birthday, when he showed up at swimming out of the blue. Best birthday present anyone could've given me after a 'whatonewouldsay' : crappy few months.
I think he was the only person I've known ever since I was 3, I think.
He's adorable, personality wise and physically. I like being around him he's hilarious when he's in a good mood, funny when he's emo (he attempts at cheering himself up, by making lame jokes so that he laughs at his lameness), and he goes all DavidSo mode when he's angry or frustrated. How asdfghjkl adorably is that? You cannot NOT fall in love with him.
I wanted to drag him with me to school, but then he said he didn't want to walk all the way there because he was afraid girls would chase him, which I think must be his fantasy or something. I went to Sultan Abdul Samad today, managed to say bye to Ariana and Mandeep, ran into the ex-'bestfriend', wondered how she was but didn't bother to say hi, going back some other day this week. Yesterday was my last class at EITP. Zul decided to torture us ,making us increase our stamina because of that my abs hurt so much. Never got to say goodbye to David. Forgot. Oops. You say goodbye to one David Lee and you pick up another David Lee at the airport. Life goes on. I just realized that I know 3 David Lee's. Wow.
16 Days to Go.
It's officially the first hour of the last day of the first month of the new year. Immigration office tomorrow morning, then to mamak and we'll see what happens from there.
 |
His expression during dinner, when I ordered caramel Custard for us.
#609
20120129 @ Sunday, January 29, 2012
This guy I followed, posted a post that I posted. Get it? It actually makes me feel like someone actually reads my blog, someone who reads my blog not to try to get into my head. It's a nice feeling.
This guy :)
#608
Sunday, January 29, 2012
#607
Sunday, January 29, 2012
‘Depression is a big word,I wouldn’t prefer to use it to describe my state of mind’. Alex’s words echoes back to me.
I couldn't agree more with him few years back but now I want to borrow that word from the dictionary. Yes, depression, that feeling of standing on top of a cliff, not having the guts to fall and at the same time not wanting to make a U-turn. So I stand there, tormented by the heat, strangled by the cold with legs shaking and hands shivering. There’s a void inside me, it’s been there for quite some time. Sometimes I wish I could grab a stranger’s hand, drag her to a bench and tell her all the stories from the very beginning. But even when they are all ears, I couldn't formulate a word.
It’s strange, I have a good family (with some flaws of course) and good friends but then I don’t know what brings me to this cliff in the first place. I feel as though the freedom had been taken away from me, just like a bird, not trapped in a cage, but a bird with wounded feathers, wanted to make a fly but just couldn’t move its wings. It’s all started since the day I’ve graduated. Nothing seems to be exciting anymore. I just don’t know, I was searching for something beyond that I’ve lost track of time. When I look back it seems that I’ve wasted a lot of time chasing for something that’s never real.
There’s something bothering me in my head with questions and doubts that I couldn’t really decipher at this moment. I have to admit at times I just wanted to pack my things, sneak out of the house when everyone asleep and never ever returns back. Completely disappear from everyone and start everything all over again at a different place with different people where nobody knows me, but it ain’t that easy as it seems. I love these people too much that I can’t bear to leave them behind.
I’m still there, on top of the cliff. It’s just a matter of time for me to gain enough energy to make a jump but I won’t because when the last time I was there, God send me someone that came and grab my hands, someone that assured me that I can still fly even with broken wings. Indeed God has always been benevolent towards me.
For now, I’m still waiting for a signal that could set me free from all this insanity that brings me to this place, waiting for that someone to come, grab my hands and teach me how to fly again.
And so I’ll wait because I have all the faith in the world....
#606
20120128 @ Saturday, January 28, 2012
"Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away. And in the end, there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again." - Stephen King
#605 - Happy Birthday, Midget.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Yes, happy birthday to you. I thought, I would write you some sort of 'letter' in blog form. So here it goes.
Okay I've got nothing.
I find it rather tragic that we never really knew each other in Form 2, cause I know if we did, we'd plan mischief things and laugh our asses off night and day. That doesn't seem to matter now. I'm glad that we were in 4SJ and also in the 3C/D moral class. We got to know each other better, which in my case was an extremely good thing. I used to think you were a small little package of annoyance (I tell it as it is) and you used to piss me off with your hyper-activeness and your screams. homagad, your screams. At one point, I started to admire how the gang put up with you. I would have just ignored you all the way. but then after actually getting to know you, there was more than meets the eye.
You're no longer that small package of annoyance, you are now a small package of extraordinary things.
I'll miss our awkward secrets, and the epic conversations. How we vent out on each other, and then end up laughing like hyenas. I'll miss how you used to trade seats with Cynta. I love our Squirtle moments, the best :)
Hopefully, we'll all get to have Teh Tarik together and screw his brain in.
To end all that sappy-ness ;
You're old now. You're 16. How does that feel? I don't know if I was the first to wish you, but yeah. Y'know I love you, right?
I might just buy you some of that fruit smelling soap from Australia, as your
Happy Birthday, you douche. Carpe diem and press on, yeah.