I awoke this morning feeling heavy, like there was too much gravity pressing down on my heart. So I wrote you another letter. I wanted to tell you everything, explain all that had happened, but there wasn't enough paper in the drawer, and my veins were running out of ink, and I just couldn't tell you any of it. I couldn't show you any of it. I felt your finger tips on my skin, and the feeling stayed with me like a scar. I have such terrible days where I feel as though even the sound of breathing is like sandpaper against my skin, and all the while I've been making excuses why I couldn't eat my blueberry muffin, or get coffee . I feel too much again. Everything I see moves me, even after all of this trying. I wrote, and wrote. I told you how I enjoyed your company, how you kept me warm, how I missed you even when I was with you, how that awful moment came when I could positively feel myself growing to depend on the presence of another human being. Of you. I wish I could send these letters, but they aren't enough anymore. Nothing is enough anymore. 

Something reminded me of you today. I remember when we used to spend almost everyday together, playing video games especially, I would lose almost every 2 player game we played together, and even if I won you would claim that you let me me win. And when we played one player games, you’d get so impatient watching me play cause I just suck. When our parents would buy junk food for us at the rest stops during our road trips, we always promise to share but we end up fighting for the pack anyway. And when we used to draw each other birthday cards even though we didn’t even know when our birthdays were.

I lost you. You were like a twin brother I never had. You just left me. Just like that. One minute, we’re playing with sand on the beach, the next, you’re gone. Gone.

Every time I think of you, I can’t help but cry. I miss you. Although we were so young, you still meant a lot to me. Oh, remember once we hid under the beds on one of our trips and our parents and siblings went around looking for us? And they found us, laughing under the beds. Remember when we used to beg for coins for those egg machines? We’d end up losing the toys the next day anyway. Remember when we fought for the Garfield plush in the fun fair? Daddy had to play the game over and over again just to win another one so we’d both have one. I had a dream about our trip that day, the day you left. Scratch that, it wasn’t a dream, it was a nightmare.

Labels: 365 Secrets

“Life is often compared to a marathon, but I think it is more like being a sprinter; long stretches of hard work punctuated by brief moments in which we are given the opportunity to perform at our best” - Michael Johnson

Labels: 365 Secrets

I know it's a little too late, but it's still okay. #365 Secrets, is one of my New Years resolutions. Don't worry, it's pretty random. I ain't going to post my secrets up, okay some of em are aight, but there are things that will never get out. Nyeh.
Me.

Labels: 365 Secrets

I have come to discover that there are plenty of toxic human beings around. You wouldn't believe it of them. I was fooled for a long period of time. I was led to believe that they would never be the toxic kind. How wrong I was! So many people were fooled, and are still fooled.
It is sad when you find out that people around you are insincere and not what they seem. You become wary of the things that proceed from their mouths and you wonder if any good they do has an ulterior motive. You question and you hesitate to accept their words and actions. This is no way to have a relationship of any kind.
It is doubly sad when one of these people turn out to be your so-called friend. Sometimes you would want to believe that it is not true, that it is just a circumstance that seem bad. Sometimes you would think, perhaps I misunderstood the whole situation. And then your so-called friend went and proved that you were right in the first place. No need to doubt anymore.
And I find this extremely sad.
- Christina Chan

  Lepaked with these two comelities. Scratch that, hanging out with everyone as much as possible before I leave. Mostly Malcolm lah, Kah Ming too busy with Interact and all. Whaii they so comel? Amagad. Yet they can be such asses at times...
I am going to use my Malaysian accent and eat as much Malaysian food as possible! =)

Some Korean lady came to the house today, she watched PTB with me =) she wore so many layers of clothes,  I dont know how she didn't feel hot.
I haven't even started packing. shit. Next week is my last week at school, nyeh.

[Note : This was a rushed post using the Iphone, therefore it's similar to crap.]

34 Days to go. 

"Maybe that’s what we look for in the people we love, the spark of unhappiness we think we know how to extinguish"

Some people think love is the end of the road, and if you’re lucky enough to find it, you stay there. Other people say it just becomes a cliff you drive off, but most people who’ve been around awhile know it’s just a thing that changes day by day, and depending on how much you fight for it, you get it, or you hold on to it, or you lose it, but sometimes it’s never even there in the first place.

 "All my life I’ve been impatient. So I will muster all the patience that I haven’t used even once just to wait for you"

           -Cha Ji Heon (Protect the Boss) 

Ji Heon's story in Protect the Boss made me cry... the dude is officially my favourite character, cause I mean who can resist such an asdfghjkl adorable kid?

I have successfully made an egg sandwich without either accidentally stabbing myself (trust me, you don't feel the pain at first but later it gets annoying) or burning the kitchen down. I have to say, it tastes pretty darn good.
Amagad, I should be in Masterchef!

Eggs =)

You're not dead, but you're not alive either. Caught in between two worlds. Floating aimlessly between your days. Nothing is real anymore. Maybe nothing ever was. 
I don't know if you've ever felt that way. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning. If this gets any worse I might have to go back to the doctor again.