Dear mom, dad or Rynn :)
I want this for my birthday, pleaseeeee..... pretty pretty please with caramel on top ?



I want me some pair of Victor Kings :B

Sometimes life will disappoint us, but we can choose how we react. We have the capacity to evolve, to develop perseverance and strength which will help us through everything.

 -Victor Kim

Nothing feels better than a crappy day at school. It's amazing how much one can want to get into a different stream, absolutely amazing. She's been wanting to change streams from arts to sub science ever since I managed to, and attempting to zone out while she was whining was already starting to get to me. Dude, cut the crap and just ask the teacher. So today, she went ahead and did that. No wait, rewind. Monday, we got all our classes after all the changes, Pn. Mages is the teacher in charge or something like that, and so I went to ask her if she could change me from Arts to Sub Science. Everyone was already suprised at the fact that I chose to come to school for the rest of the month, no one asked why but the reasons were because I had to wait for my Sijil Berhenti Sekolah and also because I had nothing to do at home,and now I realize I had made the right decision because at least I would know some Chem, Physics, Add Maths and Mod Maths before I go which would make it easier for me to adjust into the education there... so anyway, this girl started complaining and whining because I managed to switch into sub science, and when she asked she got rejected.   Therefore, she decided to make my day miserable by going all "I don't know why she picked you, out of all people she let you get in. You're moving to Australia. You won't even be here for March test... -insert more grumbling and whining here-  
After all the drama from yesterday, I was too lazy to face all that again today but I did ... (pats self)  


So apparently today, Olivia and her went to see Pn. Mages. Oli wanted to ask her if she could change to accounts from ICT and this girl wanted to ask her if she could change into my class... again and yet again she faced rejection, so I found them at the phone booth, this girl calling her mom and Oli standing behind her. Both of them saw me and then started bitching like they have never done that before... so after all the "..but you don't deserve that place because you're going to Australia..." and similar shit. I was flabbergasted and pissed, quite pissed. So Uthraa somehow noticed my expression while these two just went on and on with their never ending shit, so she stood next to me in order to prevent me from punching them in the face. Yes, I am very emotional at the mo, I think my period is coming soon. shit. 
Her prevention was a success right until she told me that she's going to tell Pn. Mages that I'm moving so she can get her place in my class, which didn't really make that much sense cause dude, my class has only 20 people, 20 freaking people.   
I told her that if Pn. Mages knew that I was moving, she might just put me back in arts, only cause I'm going to be in school for a month and wasn't an option for me. her comeback was "Who cares? Who fucking cares? You're only going to be here for a month, I am going to be here for two years. You get everything. You get to study in Australia, while I'm stuck here and you get to go into the stream I want" Oli was just agreeing to everything.
So I calmly said "Tell her. I dare you" and walked away. It didn't make sense what I said, but then it didn't matter to me. I had to end it before my fist gets the better of me. Just when I thought the bad part of the day was over, whilst I was talking to Uthraa, still pissed. Another girl comes, she comes as if she's the most popular girl in school, and everyone fucking person is falling in love with her, she hugs Uthraa and then all of a sudden my cheek starts stinging, at first I didn't realize what happened but once I did, boy was I pissed. I swear if I had no self control, the bitch would have cried herself into depression. Yes this bitch, this fcking bitch slapped me. She fcking SLAPPED ME like she's the mother fucking queen of England. Only because I was leaving her to go to Australia, here's exactly how the conversation went :


girl  : -Slaps like she the fcking queen-
Me  :  -Stares and then glares-
girl  : You're leaving me. -pout-
Me  : So?
Girl  : You're leaving me -pouts-
Me  : Dude, do I seriously look like I give shit?
Girl : -walks away emoly-


I mean how exactly am I supposed to act around her after the shit she did. Yes, though it was 2 years ago, it still is shit. Does she really think I'm still close to her? Why would I even care if I'm leaving her? We don't even talk. Okay, we do but the word limit is well limited. Plus, most of the time I ignore her and she ends up walking away. Therefore meaning that I really don't give shit about this bitch who for some reason thinks she has the right to slap me. 


 I would have typed their names out but then I just want to forget about it.People think I'm heartless because I bitch about people on my blog, without any discretion.   I never asked for your opinion, thank you very much. 


To end my essay, I shall say that I officially suck at Maths because each time I count the amount of days left till I leave, I get a different number. So now I am going to just state the weeks I have left, it involves less counting.

42 Days left.

Fear, isolation and violence that only YOU can help to take away...: The fight for survival is a daily battle for refugees and asylum seekers in Malaysia. Coming from countries such as Burma, refugees are forced to flee from their homelands in pursuit of safety from oppressive conditions such as confiscation of homes, forced labor, systematic rape and torture. However, their efforts to gain freedom in Malaysia are short-lived due to discrimination from local employers. Refugees and asylum seekers work in situations where they face verbal and physical abuse from employers, low/unpaid wages, and long working hours in exploitative conditions. Question is, where is the humanity in all of this?Agree to stand up against forced labor and human trafficking by signing a Petition Letter to the Prime Minister of Malaysia today! Petition available here : http://chn.ge/heimalaysiapetition

“It happens, baby." Dad nodded and patted me on the hand, and then he read my mind. "You forget all of it anyway. First, you forget everything you learned - the dates of the Hay-Herran Treaty and the Pythagorean Theorem. You especially forget everything you didn't really learn, but just memorized the night before. You forget the names of all but one or two of your teachers, and eventually you'll forget those, too. You forget your junior class schedule and where you used to sit and your best friend's home phone number and the lyrics to that song you must have played a million times. For me, it was something by Simon & Garfunkel. Who knows what it will be for you? And eventually, but slowly, oh so slowly, you forget your humiliations - even the ones that seemed indelible just fade away. You forget who was cool and who was not, who was pretty, smart, and athletic, and not. Who went to a good college. Who threw the best parties. Who could get you pot. You forget all of them. Even the ones you said you loved, and even the ones you actually did. They're the last to go. And then once you've forgotten enough, you love someone else.” 
― Gabrielle Zevin, Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac

If you asked me how I’m doing, I would say I’m doing just fine.I would lie & say that you’re not on my mind.But I go out & I sit at a table set for two.& finall I’m forced to face the truth, no matter what I say,I’m not over you.

 Nyeh. That song is stuck in my head.Today was the first day of school for the year.  It was okay, Cynta sits next to me just like in 2010. We made friends with the new girl, her name's Natasya and wears Vans to school. I am speechless. She's like Miguel, where to them Vans is as cheap as Bata and Bata is probably like japanese slippers to them. He still owes me my pair of shoes :(  She was a little awkward at first, but after a while she was okay. Quiet girl. She told Cynta and me that we were weird and both of us were like, you don't know yet.


Anyway, here are some peektures from New Year's. Going to miss these monkeys a lot. Can't wait for Girls Night with em' douches, and after that I've got a night with Titanium and then depending on the amount of days left, might get people to stay at my place for a night. People keep asking what I did on New Year's Eve, and I go "I went to church" then they give me that look. That oh you so holy look. Bitch please, let me spend my NYE the way I want to aight?. Ending a year in church is nice. I had the people I treasure with me, and I say that ending the year partying in church, was way more fun than going to a party, but then again I'm #justsaying. We didn't exactly party, but we sure as hell had fun.  I'm going to miss my Malaysians.

You ever get that feeling? Like you're probably about to fuck everything up? And you feel like shouting "Don't do it!" at yourself every single minute before you do, and ultimately it does nothing to save you from ruining your own happiness. I can feel it coming. (Please don't do it.)

"Think back and replay your year; if it doesn’t bring you tears of either joy or sadness, consider it wasted."

Therefore now I can officially say, I'm moving next month. 


HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!

I love because of you, I hurt because of you.

I want to sit in front of you and open myself up like an over read book. I want to be able to be honest with you and tell you everything that’s been steeping in my head, and in my heart for too long. But I can’t. I’m too afraid to get hurt, to discover the truth – the truth that probably differs from my own. So instead, I’ll sit down and spell out the words and feelings I’m too afraid to look you in the eyes and say.

We had an innocent chance encounter meeting. Nothing special, nothing too note worthy. Our friendly acquaintance banter soon turned into more and at one point I knew I had not only formed a new friendship but one worth enhancing. I don’t know what it was that tipped me off, but there was something – you were something. I wanted to know more about you, discover who you really were and become close with all that was you. It was easier for me to disguise my feelings at first because you were taken. You were with someone else and I knew the boundaries existed. I was not bothered, nor fazed. I had found myself in similar positions beforehand. You were someone else’s and I happily accepted this, I did. If anything, I was just happy to have you by my side as a friend.

Then one day, it was over. You had ended the relationship and you were available again. I had mixed emotions at first: I didn’t want to encroach on your newly single self, your confused mind and your vulnerable state. It wouldn’t be fair. You needed time and space and more importantly a dear friend to turn to, to rely on. I became that dear friend for you. I was more than happy to be her. I wanted to be the ears to your illogical words, the cushion for your irrational thoughts, the reassurance to your questionable doubts. I became all of the above and more – we became each other’s confidant, each other’s go-to, each others emergency call no matter the time of day. In no time we had become each other’s best friends in a new city where we were both strangers only a few months beforehand. Nothing seemed impossible now that I had you by my side. But somehow, even with all this, I wanted more. I wanted you but more than what I already had of you. I wanted our endearing friendship to grow into something else, to be something so much greater than what it already was. I wanted to be that girl that made you look back; that girl that made your heart skip an extra beat; that girl that you held a gaze with for a few seconds longer; that girl you would talk about long after she was gone. I wanted to be your girl but somehow couldn’t find a way to be. Instead, I sat back and listened to you talk about other girls. You would ask my opinion and I would muster up the courage to mask my true feelings and smile while I delivered the lines you wanted to hear. My face wore the brave mask so easily – too easily – while in fact my heart was painted with the true emotions of my yearning.

I tried to push aside all these feelings; tried to trick myself into thinking I was chasing after something that wasn’t worth the hunt. I kept telling myself it would be foolish of me to jeopardize the wonderful friendship we had formed in such a short span of time. I tried to ignore all the little things that made me fall for you in the first place, but in doing so I only grew fonder of you. I kept feeding nutrients to the starving feelings of desire.

And that’s where I still find myself – at a loss. I no longer know what to do, or how to go on. I’m too afraid to tell you with the risk of losing you, and I’m too afraid to let these feelings linger on. Regardless of the decision, I have a sense I will only hurt myself. I don’t know how much longer I can be with you without being with you. I don’t know how much longer I can go on sharing fun filled moments, endless laughter, and standstill time with you. I don’t know how much longer I can bear to look you in the eyes without reaching out to touch your lips; hug you without holding onto you for a little while longer; wake up next to you in bed without cuddling up to your welcoming side. I don’t know how much longer I can go on without me being your girl, you being my guy and us being that couple. I don’t know how much longer I can go on hiding these true feelings from you, remaining dishonest to your always-honest self. I don’t know how much longer I can go on crying true tears to an unknown audience. I don’t know how much longer I can keep on hurting when you have no idea of the pain I’m suffering.

So for now I'll continue to sit back, all the while paying the prices for falling in love with you, my best friend…
-Nicole Loher

You see, that's why I didn't tell you. Cause you would have never been able to do it. Don't get me wrong, Stefan. I don't mind being a bad guy. I'll make all the life and death desicions, while you're busy worrying about collateral damage. I'll even let her hate me for it. But at the end of the day, I'll be the one to keep her alive. 

- Damon Salvatore

 If you're not attracted to him, then clearly we have a problem. I finished watching season 2 of VD and therefore, now am wiping tears. Bravo! Bravo!
I have season 3 downloading and am now stealing Michelle's videos from her External Hard Drive. I've got 49 Days, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother and some other Korean and English shows. Back to VD,
Episode 21, homagad.
Damon is dying, and I started to freak therefore freaking Rynn out by my freaking. I mean, the dude can't just fcking die. Okay, he didn't die, yet. It ended with him walking away, it's cliche but still if you watched the entire season, you would be freaking out right about now.
No one will be able to calm their tits down.

Every bloody VD fan is on team Stefan, who the hell cares about that son of a bitch?
Other than my Damon moments, Tyler and Caroline need to be together. Who cares if werewolves are out to kill vampires, I mean it's not like Tyler is a werewolf. oh wait. he is. 
It's okay, love never fails right?

I got my hair cut on Christmas Eve, my hair guy... Uncle Harun said he likes experimenting with my hair, making me feel like a lab rat anyway he decided to give me a shaggy cut. That's what he called it. So he cut and cut and cut, then he danced to Temptation, sang and continued cutting. After the whole thing, he was finally satisfied. An older lady dried my hair, and then he came back to do a final check, he trimmed here and there and then said that if I hair dried it, it would look weird. He sent me off saying, "Shaggy hair doesn't need to be cared for, suits your personality. You don't care about anything."
It made little sense, the way he said it but whatever right? He wanted to dye my hair, so I said we'll see.

"I want to know how many scars you have and memorize the shape of your tongue. I want to climb the curve of your lower back and count your vertebrae, your ribs, your fingers, your goosebumps. I want to chart the topography of your anatomy and be fluent in your body language. I want you, entirely."


This is what my imagination gets up to when I'm not paying strict attention.


They walked into the deepest part of me, and saw two doorways. 
One had dark blue light shining underneath the door, but the door had no handle. He opened the other door, needing to budge it with his shoulder to open it (the hinges had started to rust). The walls were a deep red, pulsing slightly. He walked in, finding himself in a hallway. There was a faint humming in the air that grew louder the further down he went. Little golden notes floated in the air past his head. Then, he turned a corner. The floor started seeping with golden melodies. He started running to a final archway. 


Heaving for breath, he stopped short of the very centre of me. The core was filled with beautiful music. It sounded something like a guitar and a piano and a violin, all fused together, with heartbreakingly lovely vocals. The hole he had come to find, had been filled. He dropped to his knees, feeling suddenly useless. All had been for naught. I didn't need saving anymore. So he journeyed back out the way he had come, and when I woke up, he just held me instead. "I'm sorry," he said. "It's okay," I replied. Then he started to fall asleep, humming a familiar tune. 

 I couldn't find the words to describe the tornado of emotions twirling inside me, so instead pictures seemed to explain it better than my ramblings. Although these are only some parts of the tornado of emotions, but they're still parts and that's all that matters.





 Emotion of the year, it's been like this the entire year, hidden behind others masking itself so that even I wouldn't be able to catch a glimpse of it, until early this morning at around 3am, I walked outside and looked at the stars to wish them a blessed Christmas, and that was when it showed from behind the mask, the feeling that I had but couldn't name.

I want to explain how exhausted I am. Even in my dreams. How I wake up tired. How I'm being drowned by some kind of black wave, but there's not enough time.