Begalinis Viltis

602nd

20111219 @ Monday, December 19, 2011

I woke up at around 2pm today, due to the fact that I came back from the party at Morgan's at around 1am, and couldn't fall asleep till about 4am. The party wasn't that bad, but it would have been even more fun if Luis and the group had come. Other than that, I now suffer from a headache, and can barely speak cause of my sore-throat. David says Honey and Lemon might do the trick ~~I think he said honey and lemon.~~ Nyeh. Dinner at the Hyde residence, with Sugin and family and well none other than the Hyde s. I found out that one of my close friends smoke, I'm not sure how exactly I feel about that but I'm quite disappointed in her. She used to despise smokers, and now that she's one of them. I don't know.
Results are out on Thursday, so that's on my to-do list so is, X'mas shopping, Dentist appointment, doctor appointment and a few other things.
It actually is kind of nice not being able to speak. I blame this sore-throat on carolling, although it was a blast!
Here are some of the pictures I promised, of when the Aussie's came down.

Mark, my brother from another mother XD

Corie and me at Petaling Street

Emma and me at PS

Rayban time :B

Trying the Rambutans :)

Peekture in the van

Their fav word - harimau! rawr.

Coconut head.

The Stars Look Down On You

Monday, December 19, 2011

On other planets, they look up and wish upon you.

Because on other planets, you live on a star.

Labels: I Wrote This For You

601st

20111218 @ Sunday, December 18, 2011

So I wonder, when you walk down the road you took when you left, will you ever stop dead in your tracks and want to run back to me? Will sorrow fill you up and tip you over and have you trying to wipe away all the sadness that has filled you up? Will you miss me and my pure love, my golden heart? Will you come back and snuggle next to me, your spot is as empty as ever since you left. More importantly, in your heart - was that the best choice you made? To leave someone who loves you, because truth be told, I still yearn for you. And I don't know if my heart will remain in the same spot you dropped it at. Will you be afraid when someone else has picked it up?

600th

20111217 @ Saturday, December 17, 2011

“In the beginning you believe that maybe, just maybe, caring is like a muscle and over time, when not used, it starts atrophying, but then you wake up and realize that you do care and that, no matter how often you bullshit yourself, the caring never dissipated in the first place."

Oli stayed over on Tuesday night, Thursday and Friday night. I can't say I had fun. It was nice just having her here though. Yen Fern is back from Taiwan, saw her at swimming. Can't say I enjoyed that either, although watching David shiver was fun.
It's not them. It really isn't. I just don't have any interest in talking to people from school, ~~anymore~~ at the moment. ~~I have no idea why .~~
I have 2 pills that I have to take every night, after dinner for the next year or longer.

OVEREXPOSED 2011 [No. 12]

20111215 @ Thursday, December 15, 2011

Do you give shit about this shit?

A Question

Thursday, December 15, 2011

"Do you think your life has turned out the way you had wanted it to? What/where would you rather be?"

I don't think so. I think it could have, but I got lost along the way. Sometimes circumstances make you forget how to read the compass, and by the time you realize what has happened you're drifting on gusts of wind - somewhere there, somewhere here. At which point you know that even though drifting is deliciously easy (because who doesn't like floating with the wind?), it's going to take a lot more than the epiphany to take you back to the ground and get you moving in a defined direction. It's going to take courage to take the risks involved in letting go of the comfortable cloud you're sitting on right now. In order to move forward, I'm going to have to let go of what I have right now.

And am I ready to do that, I wonder?

Austin Mahone

20111212 @ Monday, December 12, 2011

Ignore the last post.

Justin Bieber just got schooled.

Austin Mahone

Monday, December 12, 2011

Oh snap! He schools Justin Bieber.

Monday, December 12, 2011

"IF I HAD A WORLD OF MY OWN, EVERYTHING WOULD BE NONSENSE. NOTHING WOULD BE WHAT IT IS, BECAUSE EVERYTHING WOULD BE WHAT IT ISN'T. AND CONTRARY WISE, WHAT IS, IT WOULDN'T BE. AND WHAT IT WOULDN'T BE, IT WOULD. YOU SEE?" LC

The Kickastart Kapow!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Tsu Ann and Jamie decided to start Vlogging :) Check it out! hahaha... they're so lame on camera, but not as lame face to face

Dry Lips

20111211 @ Sunday, December 11, 2011

"Every breath you take today should be with someone else in mind."

I miss them Australians, and also TOWLMB :) I'll see him soon, hopefully. I now speak in a semi Aussie accent, and he laughed at me for it, incredibly mean. Then he thought it was cute and laughed again. I wonder what would happen to us when I move, even if we did have a LDR, he'd prolly die laughing when we skype just because of my accent. Sigh. I already have an exact date in which I'm leaving here but that's only for me to know (and of course him). I don't like goodbyes, so I won't say them. Well that's my plan anyway.
Everyone that I know goes away in the end.

I can't wait to go! :) Yes there I said it. I want to leave. You know why? Cause I can't stand staying here after all that's happened. Why I don't talk about it?
Because it phackin hurts, and everyone left once I was knocked to my knees by it. Everyone just didn't give a phak, that's when I could differentiate between my real friends, and the not-so real ones. I was suprised by the people who were, cause it never occured to me that I would be extremely close to them. Taken aback by the ones who weren't because during school, I bonded with them a lot.
Everything changed over the holidays, including me.

Ps: My lips are extremely dry and peeling.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.

HARUKI MURAKAMI

Holes Inside #2

20111210 @ Saturday, December 10, 2011

He arrived promptly, as always, and I was still scrambling to finish the meager piece of cinnamon toast I’d made for breakfast. I could see his truck idling outside from my vantage point on the couch, feet propped up in Rynn’s lap as he pulled my socks on while I ate.

And then I started crying. Over the socks. Yes. You read that correctly. I started crying because Rynn is the kind of person who would put on my socks while patiently waiting for him to finish his breakfast.

I love all my characters. A lot. But right now–I have a special soft spot in my heart for Rynn. He’s kind of my role model in a way. And a lot of that is because he’s so essentially human, but he still manages to put himself aside for me. I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard right now. But that passage is tearing my heart to pieces. Good thing about all of this: I now identify hugely with this side of Rynn, and therefore it is going to be a hell of a lot easier to slip into his character when I go to write his chapters.

My characters are people. They are real. I dare you to tell me otherwise.

Labels: Wattpad

Best Friends or Partners?

20111209 @ Friday, December 09, 2011

"You don't get to yell at me for being dead, if you're the one that killed me."

This post has nothing to do with the line above, but it does have something to do with the title though. I was looking at a friend's blog, and there was a really long post about how she hurt her best friend and now regrets it.

Best friends... sigh.
I consider myself best-friendless, and those close to me know that... or at least I hope they do. I have good friends, close friends but I don't consider anyone as my best friend. I may be a little against having one, for some reason.

I mean, some best-friends know their limits, but others don't. I don't see the sense in buying matching outfits, or those bracelets for two, one is half a heart that says best and the other says friends so when you put the broken heart together you get best friends. It doesn't make any sense to me. It actually seems a lot like PDA to me, and as you know PDA has its limits, and I utterly detest it when that limit is crossed. PDA is short for Public Display of Affection. Yes, I know that I do it with friends, but that's only in school, around friends... but PDA-ing in public, now that is a totally different level.
Especially when a couple starts to wear matching outfits, and all. I'm going off topic, back to the bestfriend thing. These days I've realized that everything revolves around the best friend. You fall in love with the best friend, you write a shit long blog post about hurting the best friend, you lose your best friend, you fight with your best friend and so on.
Why don't you give something I like to call 'not giving a shit' a try?

It hurts my eyes and wrecks my brain.

Holes Inside

20111208 @ Thursday, December 08, 2011

"I felt the urge to crawl so deep inside myself that nothing could ever pull me back out."

I've started writing again, only this time I posted it online. I'm kind of rusty at it ever since I lost my ability to put words into a sentence that capture's one's heart. I partially blame that on him. Actually I blame it on 3 people excluding myself. I've posted it up onto Fiction Press and Wattpad, in hope of opinions and reviews. So far, there's only 4 chapters but I'm in the midst of writing the 5th one. Please do check it out and let me know what you think. it's part of my attempts to find out the talents that I may have under this thick layer of brown skin. The links are below, if you think it's something worth reading, don't hesitate to share it with your friends, the more the merrier :)

Fiction Press : http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2977145/1/Holes_Inside

Wattpad : Holes Inside on Wattpad

So yeah, do read and comment/review or like or share :)

Thank you!

Thursday, December 08, 2011

I felt hurt, and betrayed, and I didn't know why. Nick was right. He didn't have an obligation to tell me every single detail of his private life. He could keep secrets if he wanted. I didn't have any right to that part of him. He wasn't mine.

Mutterings

Thursday, December 08, 2011

there's a sudden force onto your chest as the breath gushes out of your lungs and into the air around you. it's like a hollowing out process..

people say they want to be set free. they say they feel trapped by the past but they do nothing to break the chains. they hear the familiar calls, the whisperings in their ear and go rushing back. they want to be free almost as badly as you want to be rid of them.
all fallacies, all useless mutterings that no one really means.

but if you did mean it, you would know that the hollowing out, the slow and painful escape is the reminder that you're still alive. that you're not just a vessel you're something more; something beautiful. and when you breathe in that whole new gasp of air... well you know the rest.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

When you can, let me know how long you're willing to miss me for.

A Need

20111207 @ Wednesday, December 07, 2011

I have a need. A need to write it down, to get my feelings on this paper so I have something that I can hold on to. Because I am confused, so very confused, wandering around a dark room not knowing why or how I ended up in it. Like a cliché. So many stories that I read are applicable to mine, but still I feel a need to write my own story down, a substitute is just not good enough.

The Neurogical Cave

20111206 @ Tuesday, December 06, 2011

A soul trapped in a human body. Living a human experience. But I’m always searching for my soul. I think that is the part of us we keep forgetting. And I also think that part of us is infinite. Humanity is temporary for this existence. Maybe next I’ll be the make-up of a nebula. But live through your soul. And you’ll live your life differently. When you breathe, realize it is life. The breath of life. This universe is our holding. This present is a chapter. Who knows how many other places we’ve been. Or how many other beings we’ve lived to be. I wonder if we’re truly separated in each lifetime. Or if family is a part of us. Permanent. In every life time. Recyclable and eternally connected? Energy and and air, everywhere. We are literally everywhere. And you can read every book. But I think it’s impossible to figure this one out.

It’s as simple as creation.