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'96. I love books, music and Justin Bieber. May the odds be ever in your favor. x

A Need
20111207 @ Wednesday, December 07, 2011




I have a need. A need to write it down, to get my feelings on this paper so I have something that I can hold on to. Because I am confused, so very confused, wandering around a dark room not knowing why or how I ended up in it. Like a cliché. So many stories that I read are applicable to mine, but still I feel a need to write my own story down, a substitute is just not good enough.
The Neurogical Cave
20111206 @ Tuesday, December 06, 2011

A soul trapped in a human body. Living a human experience. But I’m always searching for my soul. I think that is the part of us we keep forgetting. And I also think that part of us is infinite. Humanity is temporary for this existence. Maybe next I’ll be the make-up of a nebula. But live through your soul. And you’ll live your life differently. When you breathe, realize it is life. The breath of life. This universe is our holding. This present is a chapter. Who knows how many other places we’ve been. Or how many other beings we’ve lived to be. I wonder if we’re truly separated in each lifetime. Or if family is a part of us. Permanent. In every life time. Recyclable and eternally connected? Energy and and air, everywhere. We are literally everywhere. And you can read every book. But I think it’s impossible to figure this one out.
It’s as simple as creation.
20111205 @ Monday, December 05, 2011
off to the doctor... again.
Monday, December 05, 2011
Yknow what's the suckiest feeling? Having to cheer someone up and lying to them. Trying to tell them that everything happens for a reason, that it'll all get better when even you yourself dont believe it. It sucks trying to make someone feel better when all you wished for was someone trying to do the same for you.
-Amanda Kok
20111202 @ Friday, December 02, 2011
I love Niko. He's a fun dude to talk to :) especially when you're down.
HATLESS WEEK [EPISODE 3]
Friday, December 02, 2011
Isn't Matt gorgeous? His accent is so sexy :D
Life Complications
Friday, December 02, 2011
"Now I lie awake and scream in a zero gravity
And it's starting to weigh down on me.
Let's abort this mission now"

It's all so complicated. 
Friday, December 02, 2011

Can anybody hear me?Or am I talking to myself?My mind is running emptyIn the search for someone elseWho doesn't look right through me.It's all just static in my headCan anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?


'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronautSending SOS from this tiny boxAnd I lost all signal when I lifted upNow I'm stuck out here and the world forgotCan I please come down? 'Cause I'm tired of drifting around and round Can I please come down?


I'm deafened by the silenceIs it something that I've done?I know that there are millionsI can't be the only one who's so disconnectedIt's so different in my head.Can anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?
20111201 @ Thursday, December 01, 2011
Climbed up Broga Hill yesterday with the slippery mud, whilst having my period. Uncomfortable but extremely fun :)
I miss my camp people.
The Time Served
Thursday, December 01, 2011



This one is about how music gets ruined by the people you're no longer with.

This one counts seconds between moments.

This one desperately dresses wounds with logical statements.

This one only makes sense to the person who says it, until someone else, understands.

This one is here just to fill all the space that's left.

This is one you hear everyday.

This one is six words long.

This one, hates the last one.

This, is the sentence you still haunt.

Labels:

20111126 @ Saturday, November 26, 2011
2 more days.

I just realized that I really don't feel like talking. Sorry Arshvina and Yen Fern.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
No one can hear it when something inside you breaks,
No one can hear it when you are broken..
20111125 @ Friday, November 25, 2011
Not going for 2PM concert. Reasons? Who said you need to know?
Friday, November 25, 2011
Nothing? Believe me - he said that. He said it, and I believed it, because didn't I believe every word that he said? Why should I have frowned at that thought, No?
They pushed him through the doors into the room, where they were going to operate on him, Nick said nothing will change, whilst knowing it would.
This is what I unwrapped in the dark corner of his room, surrounded by his scent and his absence.
He lied.
Friday, November 25, 2011


Looking at the stars always makes me dream, as simply as I dream over the black dots representing towns and villages on a map.
Why, I ask myself, shouldn’t the shining dots of the sky be as accessible as the black dots on the map of France?
Just as we take a train to get to Tarascon or Rouen, we take death to reach a star. We cannot get to a star while we are alive any more than we can take the train when we are dead. So to me it seems possible that cholera, tuberculosis and cancer are the celestial means of locomotion. Just as steamboats, buses and railways are the terrestrial means.
To die quietly of old age would be to go there on foot.
-Vincent van Gogh
Life Is Never Easy
Friday, November 25, 2011
People change. All day. Every day. 
They move on with life. With you or without you. 
People you've known your whole life will let you down, leave you behind, or phase you out. 
Sometimes you notice when it's happening. 
Sometimes you don't notice until it's done. 
And all you have left to do is accept it, let it go, and forgive them. 
Cherish the good times you had and recognize what a blessing they were in your life. 
Acknowledge that you needed them then, but maybe someone else needs them now. 
And sometimes that's a hard decision, saying goodbye to friends you've had for a long time. But sometimes that's all you can do. 
Yes, it will hurt. Yes, you might cry. And yes, it will be mandatory to tell yourself you can do it. 
Because life never really is easy when you're fighting it.
The Art Of Breathing
Friday, November 25, 2011



And in the beginning, my lungs had too much air in them, whenever you were near, like I could never breathe out enough.

And in the end, my throat closed, whenever you were far, like I could never breathe in again.

Labels:

20111122 @ Tuesday, November 22, 2011




"What a beautiful day." You said, as I died.
No Name
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
I'm tired of people. I don't want to have to interact with others anymore. I wish I could have just gone my whole life without talking to people. Maybe I should've been born autistic.


I need to stop doing the things that I do. Maybe not. Maybe I just need to stop doing the things I do in the order in which I do them. That sounds about right.


I'm feeling really apathetic right now. I'm not really wallowing in self-pity per se, I've just accepted the fact that people don't like hanging out with me. It sucks.


Maybe I'm just tired. In the past 48 hours I've gotten about 5 hours of sleep. Maybe if I just get some sleep I'll be alright. It's only 1 o'clock, but I literally have nothing better to do. Whatever.
Earth Shuts
20111118 @ Friday, November 18, 2011
When the world shuts you out, we are still open...:
Having the ability to emphatize and display compassion is a natural human gift that we can give to others at zero cost. A gift that could sometimes save lives! Whenever a close friend or family is in distress, do you find yourself offering your best advice or seeking ways to comfort him/her? The more important question is, how do you know if your efforts are really making a difference? Befrienders Malaysia are FRIENDS to those who are suicidal, depressed or in despair. With the support and training from other experienced volunteers and professional experts, you could possibly be a life saving friend under Befrienders Malaysia. If you want to be a greater friend to others and have no discrimination against creed, race, religion, age or sex, become a volunteer and begin changing lives today. Don't have the time and rather offer financial support? Donate to the cause instead! - DONATE.Most of all, if you are feeling depressed or suicidal, or just needed someone to talk to, call the Befrienders at 03-79568144/45, at anytime, day or night!
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