The slightly above average intelligence part of the world exists to take advantage of the below average intelligence part of the world while the above average intelligence part of the world can only look on in despair. 

Be kind to everyone you meet because you never know what they are going through. Your compliment, smile, or kind gesture could make their day and open their hearts to the love they deserve. As a girl who a mom who tried to commit suicide because of depression, I’ve seen first hand that just knowing someone cares makes the difference.

I was forced to cry, so that Rynn could take these pictures. Boedoh punya budak.

Labels: Photographic Evidence

This was the first Titanium shirt, we ever had :)
Alexis's drawing, was very the cacated.

Labels: Photographic Evidence

Labels: Photographic Evidence

 Lately I've been so optimistic (compared to how I was before), and I've been taking things so positively. Until last night. Who am I, anyway? I don't matter to anyone. Maybe I can be a good companion, but I don't see myself as someone other people would miss when I'm gone. I guess it's just me. I hope it's just me.


And you know what would hurt most? When someone dies unexpectedly. Heart attacks, car accidents and all that.

This life that I got from you
I have not yet sown it..

I read a lot of blogs, its like an addiction. Mostly the dark ones, which talk of love..unrequited love, love shared and lost, love losing its sheen
But this is not about those blogs, but is about the strange disconnect I feel when I read such blogs.Where people talk about that one bright star, that one person they loved and lost..its this disconnect which attracts me to such blogs I guess

And I am left thinking about myself.
When I close my eyes, there isn't that ONE face which comes to my mind, there is no one love which torments me day and night
Why isn't there a name which whispers in my ears..sweet nothings?
I feel little belittled, I feel envious of those people who have that fire in their hearts to love someone

And I feel the burden of not having loved enough to have a hole in the heart which does not heal...
Am I stoic? Hard heart-ed? Frivolous?

I have never had an intense longing in my heart for someone for a long time...
When I had, it was as intense as intense can be, but when I lost it..I never looked back

But I have loved, I have loved as love is meant to be..with every atom of my being
In each of you whom I love, I have loved myself even more fiercely
You, the ones I loved, are the testimony of all my notions of love

Maybe I have loved those frozen moments
And longed for those moments to keep appearing in my life, in succession like a chain of beginnings, with the same person, again and again

But beginnings end, and end happens

Sometimes I feel I could replace all my days and night, for that edgy heady feeling, which never lasts

But yes I have loved you, you who pulled me away from my mundane life..

You are that flicker of romance, I saw on beaches
And always imaged and wished for
And you fulfilled my prophecy
Of living a romance, as wild as ours

And you, who lifted me up and I was always aware of the lurking desire in you to pull me down
You were the deepest and darkest of my nightmares
you are all that torments me
you are all that takes it away

You, who was always telling me what I was,who tried deciphering me like an ancient scripture, things I never saw in myself, you saw
In you I saw the mystery that's me
A glimpse of it, scared I was
but I loved myself even more

I remember you too, for those small bouts of mirth and days laden with sweet talks

I can smell wine, when I see you from afar
The beauty of alcohol and inebriation
Is what you bring back to me

You were the one with whom I could drop my head and say, I dont want to be strong anymore
all that the world gives me
I offload it to you..you take away all of it
And I can see my pain dissipating in the air..
As my words fill you..and your lips touch mine


How could I forget you, who remembers me as his own ?

You were that painter who drew me in details
From arch of my heels to the mole on my finger
Sometimes I believe I existed more in your sketch and detailing of me
Than outside of it

Yes, I have loved

I have not loved to fill in the blanks of my life
I have loved cos you deserved it, and so did I

I too have lost myself for a while, broken and battered
I too have gone around the circles, but eventually I have found my center, within me

But how could I let any of you break me,
When I loved you with the very spirit thats me?
This spirit in me, which existed before you happened
And continues to live inside me?

I wonder if there is too much of life in my veins,
An overpowering tide
Which crushes and surpasses all of you and me too

Love is a curse, only if you let it be

I wake up with a wish to see new places, to read great books,
watch good movies and party hard

I tried being melancholic, to ascertain that I have been hurt and wronged
That I have loved and lost,
Thinking all these are the sure shot signs of being an elegant woman

But one Friday night and hopes of a rocking weekend takes its toll
And I am again wanting to be a part of the world

I am the world


Its time to live the moderates now

And the phoenix resurrects



The whole day I weave romance
The whole night I roam around like vagabond
My heart neither wants sympathy, nor a series of faithfulness 

Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times I’ve sat in my room and cried, how many times I’ve lost hope, how many times I’ve been let down. Nobody knows how many times I’ve had to hold back the tears, how many times I’ve felt like I’m about to snap but don’t just for the sake of others. Nobody knows the thoughts that go through my head whenever I’m sad, how horrible they truly are. Nobody knows me, and thats what I hate the most.

I know there really is no point in me wishing you on your birthday, since you won't see it.
I know there's  no point in me, trying to explain these things because you're no there to try to understand it.
Anyway, if not for you then I'm doing this for me.
Happy Birthday Nick! :)
I know I'm only blogging about this 6 days later, but I have legit reasons.

I've convinced myself that you're still around even though the painful memory of you still lingers, the fact that you're not here anymore. Why'd you go?

I remember those times when I would yell at you and ignore you because you did the most stupidest things. I can't do that anymore. although you have done THE MOST STUPIDEST THING IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.
We could have gotten through it, you know. You would have gotten better. 
Yet you still chose not to. The thing that really got to all of us , meaning Titanium, your dear dear girlfriend, Lynn, Victor....etc  the people you were close to was the fact that you CHOSE to, you fuuking chose to and to add to the depression you've left us with, not one person knew how much you were hurting inside.


You were the second most annoying 'brother' I have, even though the most annoying one is still that little brat walking around here somewhere.


Fact is, I still haven't accepted the fact your gone. Saying that on my blog is very risky. This whole post is risky, knowing that once it's posted, people will ask questions, and they will start treating me as if I'm depressed.
Is that a good or bad thing? I have no idea.


I'm going to go watch Titanium feature in some video. Then 'we've' got a photoshoot. So this post shall be continued. . . eventually.

"Never say goodbye, because saying goddbye means going away and going away means forgetting"
-NCY

All I wanted is the truth of what this was all about. You could never give me that. I asked in every way I could muster and still nothing. I have nothing from you but pain and emptiness. There's not even anything to write about anymore. You killed everything with your noble silence. You wouldn't even share your crayons. "All I have is what I don't"...the truth.

dcapriciousme: Your Craziness is My Reality: Last week we were given one assignment for which we were supposed to do a research on all famous photojournalists. Pick one out of their b...

I do not fully understand this right now. At first I believed it was not written for me. But then I realized that it is meant for me. For me to write down and store away for now, then when I do need it, your words will be waiting for me and will bring light back into my life. I love you, thank you for you.

If you're tired of trying to fall asleep, sleep on it and try again tomorrow.

If you're all out of promises, I have one left for you: The Earth is still here as long as you're alive.

If you want to yell out your frustrations, I'll understand, just understand that the whole world is screaming, mostly complaining about the noise.

If you're worried about having the poetry knocked out of you of you when you're older, don't. Old blood bleeds as good as new.

If you've got nothing left to feel, just pay the bill and walk away.

If there's anything else, let me know.

For some reason, I've a very heavy heart now.

I could really use a long silent hug.
Sighs.

The girl you just called fat? Shes at home overdosing on diet pills. The girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on, hoping people will like her. The boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. See that man with the ugly scars? He fought for our country. That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother is dying. Put this on your status for an hour if you are against bullying. You never know what it's like until you walk a mile in their shoes.