A Need
20111207 @ Wednesday, December 07, 2011
I have a need. A need to write it down, to get my feelings on this paper so I have something that I can hold on to. Because I am confused, so very confused, wandering around a dark room not knowing why or how I ended up in it. Like a cliché. So many stories that I read are applicable to mine, but still I feel a need to write my own story down, a substitute is just not good enough.
The Neurogical Cave
20111206 @ Tuesday, December 06, 2011
A soul trapped in a human body. Living a human experience. But I’m always searching for my soul. I think that is the part of us we keep forgetting. And I also think that part of us is infinite. Humanity is temporary for this existence. Maybe next I’ll be the make-up of a nebula. But live through your soul. And you’ll live your life differently. When you breathe, realize it is life. The breath of life. This universe is our holding. This present is a chapter. Who knows how many other places we’ve been. Or how many other beings we’ve lived to be. I wonder if we’re truly separated in each lifetime. Or if family is a part of us. Permanent. In every life time. Recyclable and eternally connected? Energy and and air, everywhere. We are literally everywhere. And you can read every book. But I think it’s impossible to figure this one out.
It’s as simple as creation.
20111205 @ Monday, December 05, 2011
Monday, December 05, 2011
-Amanda Kok
20111202 @ Friday, December 02, 2011
HATLESS WEEK [EPISODE 3]
Friday, December 02, 2011
Isn't Matt gorgeous? His accent is so sexy :D
Life Complications
Friday, December 02, 2011
"Now I lie awake and scream in a zero gravityAnd it's starting to weigh down on me.Let's abort this mission now"
Friday, December 02, 2011
Can anybody hear me?Or am I talking to myself?My mind is running emptyIn the search for someone elseWho doesn't look right through me.It's all just static in my headCan anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?
'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronautSending SOS from this tiny boxAnd I lost all signal when I lifted upNow I'm stuck out here and the world forgotCan I please come down? 'Cause I'm tired of drifting around and round Can I please come down?
I'm deafened by the silenceIs it something that I've done?I know that there are millionsI can't be the only one who's so disconnectedIt's so different in my head.Can anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?
20111201 @ Thursday, December 01, 2011
I miss my camp people.
The Time Served
Thursday, December 01, 2011
This one is about how music gets ruined by the people you're no longer with.
This one counts seconds between moments.
This one desperately dresses wounds with logical statements.
This one only makes sense to the person who says it, until someone else, understands.
This one is here just to fill all the space that's left.
This is one you hear everyday.
This one is six words long.
This one, hates the last one.
This, is the sentence you still haunt.
Labels: I Wrote This For You
20111126 @ Saturday, November 26, 2011
I just realized that I really don't feel like talking. Sorry Arshvina and Yen Fern.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
No one can hear it when you are broken..
20111125 @ Friday, November 25, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
They pushed him through the doors into the room, where they were going to operate on him, Nick said nothing will change, whilst knowing it would.
This is what I unwrapped in the dark corner of his room, surrounded by his scent and his absence.
He lied.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Looking at the stars always makes me dream, as simply as I dream over the black dots representing towns and villages on a map.Why, I ask myself, shouldn’t the shining dots of the sky be as accessible as the black dots on the map of France?Just as we take a train to get to Tarascon or Rouen, we take death to reach a star. We cannot get to a star while we are alive any more than we can take the train when we are dead. So to me it seems possible that cholera, tuberculosis and cancer are the celestial means of locomotion. Just as steamboats, buses and railways are the terrestrial means.To die quietly of old age would be to go there on foot.
-Vincent van Gogh
Life Is Never Easy
Friday, November 25, 2011
They move on with life. With you or without you.
People you've known your whole life will let you down, leave you behind, or phase you out.
Sometimes you notice when it's happening.
Sometimes you don't notice until it's done.
And all you have left to do is accept it, let it go, and forgive them.
Cherish the good times you had and recognize what a blessing they were in your life.
Acknowledge that you needed them then, but maybe someone else needs them now.
And sometimes that's a hard decision, saying goodbye to friends you've had for a long time. But sometimes that's all you can do.
Yes, it will hurt. Yes, you might cry. And yes, it will be mandatory to tell yourself you can do it.
Because life never really is easy when you're fighting it.
The Art Of Breathing
Friday, November 25, 2011
And in the beginning, my lungs had too much air in them, whenever you were near, like I could never breathe out enough.
And in the end, my throat closed, whenever you were far, like I could never breathe in again.
Labels: I Wrote This For You
20111122 @ Tuesday, November 22, 2011
"What a beautiful day." You said, as I died.
No Name
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
I need to stop doing the things that I do. Maybe not. Maybe I just need to stop doing the things I do in the order in which I do them. That sounds about right.
I'm feeling really apathetic right now. I'm not really wallowing in self-pity per se, I've just accepted the fact that people don't like hanging out with me. It sucks.
Maybe I'm just tired. In the past 48 hours I've gotten about 5 hours of sleep. Maybe if I just get some sleep I'll be alright. It's only 1 o'clock, but I literally have nothing better to do. Whatever.
Earth Shuts
20111118 @ Friday, November 18, 2011
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Asia's Dance Competition
Friday, November 18, 2011
Malaysia has been Asia's Dance Champion for the past 2 years... will we defend our title again this year?
8TV Showdown
Friday, November 18, 2011
Please do me a favour and click the link below? :)
Click here please and thank you :)
This One is For You
20111117 @ Thursday, November 17, 2011
In running away from yourself, you are at your loneliest.
There will come a time when you open your journal and pick up your pen, but there will be no words to write. And times when you pick up your phone to call your best friend but there just aren't any words to say.
All you need is a hug, but life is in your way.
When that time is now, please know that I am here. And that I am willing to hug you, that I would hug you. That I really want to talk to you but I just don't know what to say.
I miss the time when you called me in the middle of the night, crying, because this is when I felt closest to you. And now all I feel is a distance.
I try to be understanding, but I don't really get it, you see?
Behold The Truth
Thursday, November 17, 2011
...I don't give a fucking fuck what the fuck is going on with everybody else, to be honest. If that makes me a selfish bitch, then I'm a selfish bitch....
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Awkward Moments At 4 In The Morning
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Me: Yeah, mannequins kinda freak me out a little.
-awkward stare-
.....-laughs like crap-
Conversations with him are so epic :)
Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth of it.
-Ban Ho
I have no idea how he came up with that, but it was just weird when he brought it up, I think he had a mini Shakespeare moment or something. One thing I realized about him, was that it's been about 3 months since we'd actually talked and I would see him off and on but there would be an odd silence especially since the break, but even then things were okay, maybe it was more since the 27th of July. Yet nowadays he wakes me up no end, he'll continuously call me on Skype, so I somehow end up answering like this ;
That's when he starts laughing because I wouldn't understand a word he's saying, and I would be the blurrest person, and I would look crappier than those pictures, which by the way are courtesy of him.
Anyway, like I was saying it used to be so awkward but today it just seemed like everything was back to normal. That is until I realized we'd been talking for about 4 hours and it only seemed like 1 hour. That's when he said something, that made me feel weird. He reread some tweet on his timeline, it was something like;
We all have that ONE person that we always have feelings for no matter what. Just one look, and it takes you right back to that moment.
To me that person is you.
If that's not awkward then I don't know what is. I looked at him like "What are you trying to say man?"
"You know exactly what I'm trying to say."
I being the awesome person I am told him that if he wants to have this conversation, he can buy me some coffee tomorrow preferably Starbucks. He laughed, so cute. Then he agreed to do so.
Awkward moment put off till tomorrow.
The conversation slowly went back to normal, until some random 21 year old girl IM'ed me on Skype, asking me if I was a lesbian. Then she said that I was hot, and here's pretty much how the conversation went, I think I was being pranked, but someone has to layan these lifeless people.
[4:12:00 AM] Nadira Dira: iii'
[4:12:04 AM] Nadira Dira: r u les
[4:12:22 AM] Maria Monash: no?
[4:12:26 AM] Maria Monash: why?
[4:13:22 AM] Nadira Dira: juz asking
[4:13:35 AM] Maria Monash: are you?
[4:13:57 AM] Nadira Dira: yes
[4:14:06 AM] Nadira Dira: tats y i asking u
[4:14:11 AM] Nadira Dira: wt r u doing
[4:14:15 AM] Maria Monash: cool. I don't know you, do I?
[4:14:33 AM] Maria Monash: Blogging. Why me?
[4:15:25 AM] Nadira Dira: WATCHING PORN
[4:15:41 AM] Maria Monash: Cool. Turned on?
[4:15:58 AM] Nadira Dira: u turn me on
[4:17:09 AM] Nadira Dira: where r u styg..
[4:17:28 AM] Maria Monash: Hogwarts. you?
[4:17:57 AM] Nadira Dira: u mean which country is tat??
[4:19:18 AM] Maria Monash: California. You?
[4:20:19 AM] Nadira Dira: pj
[4:21:15 AM] Maria Monash: oh cool. malaysia?
[4:21:34 AM] Maria Monash: how old are you?
[4:21:54 AM] Nadira Dira: 21
[4:22:10 AM] Maria Monash: Which school were you from?
[4:22:53 AM] Nadira Dira: sri aman
[4:23:22 AM] Maria Monash: Cool. So how do you know me?
[4:32:53 AM] Nadira Dira : Same school. I saw u walking around and I thot u were hot. U sure u not les?
That has got to be the oddest conversation and the most boring one, that I've had at this hour. Ban Ho was laughing his head off when I forwarded it to him. Then he sent me a link, and when I clicked it, it went to Omegle. Then he said "I wonder how many other girls you turn on?"
Disconnect.
PS: I really need to pee.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
...He fucking left fucking Six-D...
Shit Just Mind Raped Me
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Homagad. I was looking at Kieran's timeline on Twitter and there in in his description box it said..
"#TheDanceScene, formerly in Six-D"
I stared at it and I went all ape mode while Skyping Ban Ho. FORMERLY? FORMERLY?
since when did it become fucking formerly? There should not be a formerly there.
What the fcuk is wrong with him? Homagad, he freaking left freaking Six-D.
That's it, the world is going to end anytime soon. Everyone be prepared to say goodbye to your dogs, your houses, your aunts, your uncles, your moms, your dads and every other freaking person or thing you freaking care about. What the hell man? You left freaking Six-D just so you could be with Kherington?! Why man WHY? You can have a long distance relationship thing, why leave them?
This totally destroyed my mood. urgh
A Sinking Boat
Thursday, November 17, 2011
I used to feel like I was drowning in all the noise loneliness made.
But how alone everyone felt they remained made me all the more alone. And this made me feel more removed. This sort of became my death.
A Room To Write
Thursday, November 17, 2011
“A little room to write is all I need,” I wrote under a picture not too long ago. And I was being entirely honest.
I need a place where I can write everything I have always wanted to write without the fear of being disturbed or hearing a knock on my door that would cease the smooth flow of my thoughts. I need a place where there will be a window, through which the brightest sunlight would enter and I would hear the birds chirp.
I am sitting in the laundry room, typing away at my laptop, amidst the noise of the kindergarten kids playing and the glare from the television down here. In the near distance (as conflicting as that sounds) I hear a vacuum cleaner buzzing. I know for a fact that the car is being cleaned. It is a beautiful Thursday, quite unlike any other, despite the variety of electronic sounds I hear. The sky is clear and so is my mind.
I set out to type this as a letter to a dear friend but I’m going to place it somewhere where everybody can read it. This is the way I write when I write to people. This is the way I’ll always write.
Amazing things happen when you least expect them. Like this phone call made by a close friend late last night, during which we talked so much that it was way past midnight. There was laughter and there were hilarious anecdotes. We discussed ample of issues and concurred on almost every one of them. It was a good feeling and after we finished talking to each other, I fell asleep quite comfortably. That is to say, I haven't been able to sleep for the past few days without getting recurrent nightmares and therefore I head to the kitchen and cook up some concoction. I have the power to wreck havoc.
I’m still recovering and I might need a few more days off to get back onto my feet but I have to thank God here for nothing in particular and everything that I own.
Because it is a lovely day, I just might do something special for myself. Write a letter perhaps or buy a present for somebody. Something little. Something to make the day worthwhile. Or I might just curl up in bed before my afternoon nap and finish reading the book I started yesterday.
For this moment, life is beautiful.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Crash, Fall Down.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
this world is a dangerous place and people get dropped to the floor every day, but that doesn't make it anything less than beautiful.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
i haven't found it yet but i'll let you know.
Free WiFi?
Thursday, November 17, 2011
#Like a boss.
Skyping with Ban Ho at this hour is nice :)
I just realized how much I missed talking to him, about anything even random stupid shit or even just watching him laugh at my attempts to make him laugh after a rough day.
Definition Of Love
20111115 @ Tuesday, November 15, 2011
“Now Hollywood wants to make you think that
they know what love is, but I tell you what true love is, love is not what u
see in movies, it’s not the ecstasy it’s not what you see in that scene, you
know I mean? I tell you right now true love is sacrifice, Love is thinking
about others before you think about yourself. Love is selfless not selfish.
Love is God and God is love. Love is when you lay down your life for another,
whether for your brother, your mother, your father or your sister. It’s even
laying down your life for your enemies. That’s unthinkable, now think about
that. Love is true.
Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not
envy nor does it boast. It isn’t proud. Love is not rude, it isn’t self
seeking. It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. You see, love
does not delight in evil but it rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes. It always perseveres. Love never fails. Love is
everlasting, it’s eternal. It goes on and on, it goes beyond time. Love is the
only that will last when you die. But ask the question, why do you have love?
There is no greater love than this, than he who
lays down his life for his friends. Now I know you wouldn’t lay down your life
for your friends, probably not even for your father, your mother or even your
best friends. You wouldn’t lay down your life for even those that hate you, now
let me tell you who did that. The definition of love is Jesus Christ, He is
love. The nails in his hand, thorns in his crown, hanging on the cross for your
sins, my sins that is love. He died for you and me even while we hated him. God
is true love, now if you don’t know this love. Now is the time to know, perfect love.”
-Jaeson Ma
Carpe
Diem and Press On
Change Can Be For The Better
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
“This is no place to let yourself wallow
in emotion”
I changed my link…
obviously. I think I prefer my blog being this way compared to the last
template. It’s getting harder to find nice templates, these days. Skins just
seem squashed, well most of them anyway whereas the ones that don’t seem
squashed require a fair amount of editing to suit my taste. It’s sad really, if
I knew how to create a template I would, because apparently all the
skin/template creators out there lack creativity and also lack simplicity.
Simplicity is understood best –Ng Sie Mone
The line quote
above is probably one of the most relatable ones I’ve read lately. Simplicity
is understood best. It’s a simple string of words that have a very powerful
profundity of meaning to it. Cheers to Sie Mone!
Lately, life has been
a rollercoaster ride. Come to think of it, this ‘rollercoaster ride’ seems to
never end. It’s like you go to a carnival and you hear everyone say that it’s
the best rollercoaster in the entire world, and it gets you all excited and
curious to find out if it really is… but once you get on, the guy who let you
on it, never lets you off. You’re just doomed to ride it, till either you’re
head flies off due to the speed or you just fall off and die when it goes
upside down, or maybe you get used to the ride and just die cause of old age or
boredom perhaps?
Just finished reading,
Spiral by Koji Suzuki. Currently hooked on to Dear John by Nicholas Sparks
Carpe
Diem and Press On
Steps To The Move #1
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
The Missing Machine
20111112 @ Saturday, November 12, 2011
There's a folder of pictures I can't open.
There's so many songs that don't sound the same.
There's a number I can't dial and a message I can't send.
There's a restaurant I can't eat at, not with any friends.
There's words and names I can only say in my head.
There's a pair of eyes that belong to you, that I can never look into again.
Why Guys Go To Strip Clubs
Saturday, November 12, 2011
This is written in response to Punk Chopsticks’ recent post about her dining experience in what seemed to be a restaurant full of ‘dreamy guys’. Note that the phrase ‘dreamy guys’ here refers to a group of dudes who spend their free-time staring blankly at the wall and, well, as suggested – dreams.
I’m so getting a roundhouse kick from that pair of chopsticks when I meet her, I tell you.
Anyhoos, in her article, she placed forward an analogy. And no, the term ‘analogy’ has nothing to do with the studies of anal whatsoever. Her hypothesis suggests that “Good food is a lot like good sex” and that guys going to strip clubs are “like going to a restaurant, ordering food, smelling it but not allowed to eat it”.
Seriously, smelling?
I dare not imagine further.
Well, I’ve came up with a few insights on why guys go to strip clubs. NOTE: This is in no way personal as I have never been into a strip club. A strip of clubs, on the other hand…never mind, those were the days.
Firstly, guys go to strip clubs because it is one place where they won’t have to experience the side of women that scares the wee wee outta them. In other words, guys who patronise strip clubs will avoid the torment of ‘nagging’, ‘complaining’, ‘elusive tantrums’, ‘bitching’, ‘sporadic questionings with intense traces of suspicion’ and ‘unreasonable and uncontrollable spending’.
Now, girls. The above terminologies were merely introduced for illustration purposes. The blogger is not suggesting that the mentioned traits are in every girl out there. There are some nice girls who don’t spend that much.
As for the second reason, guys enjoy strip clubs because they get to experience the side of women that they will never usually experience. Come on lah, let’s get real. Girls, will you, under normal circumstances, dance around your boyfriend/husband together with one of your BFFs in a highly suggestive manner wearing only pink fluffy furs over your boobies, a semi-transparent pair of thongs made of paper and literally nothing else?
Woah, this is getting a lil bit too graphical. I feel like I’m scriptwriting a porno.
But my point is, guys don’t usually get this sort of treatment from our mundane, sexless and un-colourful everyday life. Hence, it’s down to the club with the capital s for some booty shaking and lap-dancing. (Again, not implying that I’ve experienced any of the mentioned activities.)
Third, guys go to strip clubs solely for economic purposes. Yes, this theory is the most substantial and significant one among all. You see, strip clubs, like any other businesses, operates for the sake of gaining a profit and boosting the country’s national income. Therefore, when a guy becomes a customer of strip clubs, he is in fact contributing towards the nation’s economic growth. I have a very clear and concise exemplification to back up my theory.
Simply put, when a guy pays the strippers, it increases the strippers’ disposable income. And when them strippers have got the money, they’ll spend more on sexy lingerie. And what happen next? The lingerie industry obviously improves.
Now that the lingerie industry is booming, more and more people tend to invest in businesses involving lingerie. By now, most of the investors would have profited from the lingerie businesses that they’ve injected funds in. With that profit that they’ve reaped, they’ll pamper their selves by going to strip clubs and getting a lap dance from that stripper who had just bought a pair of new lingerie. And this cycle goes on. There you have it, economically lawyered.
So, guys, you are hereby justified to patronise strip clubs. It is your birth right to see that bitch take off her panty!
p.s. Nothing above should be taken seriously as the writer only intends to provide a few minutes of sheer entertainment at the time of writing and does not reflect her overall attitude and mentality in reality.
Skyping With Ban Ho
20111109 @ Wednesday, November 09, 2011
This is the shit I do at 2am whilst trying to cheer Ban Ho up. Apparently, he enjoyed my company while taking pictures. eeeshh, the things I do for him.
 |
| Voldemort attempts |
 |
| At the beginning of the entire thing, he woke me from my sleep. -.- |
 |
| Turkish Delight says Rawr |
 |
| What shit? |
 |
| Homagad! It's Turkish Delight! |
 |
| Oooohhhh..... |
Meet the OMG Girl
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
Skrillex Beatboxing
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
If this ain't got swag, I don't know what does.
Ps: Featuring the OHMYGOD GIRL! :D
Dear You
20111108 @ Tuesday, November 08, 2011
That would be your request that I look away, right? Because this is the only way you can manage. Posts may or may not have anything to do with me but you are trapped in this way of processing and whatever else. And I followed you into this techno-emo dust storm trying to find us both, to support and protect someone I loved, and continue to love very much. You're so vulnerable sometimes. Signals more than mixed. Can you blame me? But listen. I get it. I have for a while. When you want me back in your life, and sometimes I think you do, you've got to find another way to reach out. Normal channels. Please. Start anywhere. Don't be afraid to reach back out. So many layers; gotta be able to let all or nothing approach go. We'll figure something out.I love you. I really do.
Labels: I Wrote This For You
The Garbage I Became
Tuesday, November 08, 2011
Now the TV's on at 3am and you're sleeping on the couch, because you can.
Now the plate is where you left it, no one else is going to move it for you.
Now the politics of blankets are gone.
Now the people on the radio sound so far away.
Now you've got no plans when you wake up, just keep on keeping on.
Now the morning fades to light, to twilight, to night.
Now you rinse and repeat.
Now you remove the sleeve and remove the film.
Now you remove the sleeve and pierce the film several times.
Now dinner takes exactly 2:30 minutes.
Now the earth hurtles through the universe around a giant ball of fire.
Now none of your acquaintances know they're really your only friends.
Now none of your friends know they're just acquaintances.
Now you've got to get used to being alone, like when you're born, like when you die.
Now you're free.
Now you can do whatever you want.
You just have to do it alone.
Labels: I Wrote This For You