Ban Ho: If there's one thing I hate, it's fake people. 
Me: Yeah, mannequins kinda freak me out a little.


-awkward stare-
.....-laughs like crap-


Conversations with him are so epic :)


Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth of it.
-Ban Ho


I have no idea how he came up with that, but it was just weird when he brought it up, I think he had a mini Shakespeare moment or something. One thing I realized about him, was that it's been about 3 months since we'd actually talked and I would see him off and on but there would be an odd silence especially since the break, but even then things were okay, maybe it was more since the 27th of July. Yet nowadays he wakes me up no end, he'll continuously call me on Skype, so I somehow end up answering like this ;





We all have that ONE person that we always have feelings for no matter what. Just one look, and it takes you right back to that moment.
To me that person is you.


If that's not awkward then I don't know what is. I looked at him like "What are you trying to say man?" 
"You know exactly what I'm trying to say."
I being the awesome person I am told him that if he wants to have this conversation, he can buy me some coffee tomorrow preferably Starbucks. He laughed, so cute. Then he agreed to do so.
Awkward moment put off till tomorrow. 


The conversation slowly went back to normal, until some random 21 year old girl IM'ed me on Skype, asking me if I was a lesbian. Then she said that I was hot, and here's pretty much how the conversation went, I think I was being pranked, but someone has to layan these lifeless people.



[4:12:00 AM] Nadira Dira: iii'
[4:12:04 AM] Nadira Dira: r u les
[4:12:22 AM] Maria Monash: no?
[4:12:26 AM] Maria Monash: why?
[4:13:22 AM] Nadira Dira: juz asking
[4:13:35 AM] Maria Monash: are you?
[4:13:57 AM] Nadira Dira: yes
[4:14:06 AM] Nadira Dira: tats  y i asking u
[4:14:11 AM] Nadira Dira: wt r u doing
[4:14:15 AM] Maria Monash: cool. I don't know you, do I?
[4:14:33 AM] Maria Monash: Blogging. Why me? 
[4:15:25 AM] Nadira Dira: WATCHING PORN
[4:15:41 AM] Maria Monash: Cool.  Turned on?
[4:15:58 AM] Nadira Dira: u turn me on
[4:17:09 AM] Nadira Dira: where r u styg..
[4:17:28 AM] Maria Monash: Hogwarts. you?
[4:17:57 AM] Nadira Dira: u mean which country is tat??
[4:19:18 AM] Maria Monash: California. You?
[4:20:19 AM] Nadira Dira: pj
[4:21:15 AM] Maria Monash: oh cool. malaysia?
[4:21:34 AM] Maria Monash: how old are you?
[4:21:54 AM] Nadira Dira: 21
[4:22:10 AM] Maria Monash: Which school were you from?
[4:22:53 AM] Nadira Dira: sri aman
[4:23:22 AM] Maria Monash: Cool. So how do you know me?
[4:32:53 AM] Nadira Dira : Same school. I saw u walking around and I thot u were hot. U sure u not les?


That has got to be the oddest conversation and the most boring one, that I've had at this hour. Ban Ho was laughing his head off when I forwarded it to him. Then he sent me a link, and when I clicked it, it went to Omegle. Then he said "I wonder how many other girls you turn on?" 
Disconnect. 


PS: I really need to pee.

Homagad. I was looking at Kieran's timeline on Twitter and there in in his description box it said..
"#TheDanceScene, formerly in Six-D"




I stared at it and I went all ape mode while Skyping Ban Ho. FORMERLY? FORMERLY?
since when did it become fucking formerly? There should not be a formerly there.
What the fcuk is wrong with him? Homagad, he freaking left freaking Six-D.
 That's it, the world is going to end anytime soon. Everyone be prepared to say goodbye to your dogs, your houses, your aunts, your uncles, your moms, your dads and every other freaking person or thing you freaking care about. What the hell man? You left freaking Six-D just so you could be with Kherington?! Why man WHY? You can have a long distance relationship thing, why leave them?
So much for bro's before hoes
This totally destroyed my mood. urgh

“Someday, we’ll run into each other again, I know it. Maybe I’ll be older and smarter and just plain better. If that happens, that’s when I’ll deserve you. But now, at this moment, you can’t hook your boat to mine, because I’m liable to sink us both.”


I used to feel like I was drowning in all the noise loneliness made. 
But how alone everyone felt they remained made me all the more alone. And this made me feel more removed. This sort of became my death.

I'm watching my brother use those cheap-ass pencils with erasers that fuck up the paper more than the mistake you want to erase.

there were a lot of things that i wanted to say. and a lot of things i'm sure he wanted to hear. but when it came down to it, i couldn't save us. not alone anyway. that had to be something we both wanted. and he wanted it too, at least that's what i heard in his voice and saw in his eyes, he just didn't know how to save something so fragile to begin with. and who could blame him?

this world is a dangerous place and people get dropped to the floor every day, but that doesn't make it anything less than beautiful.

there comes a time when you just can't be where you are for any longer. maybe it's not literal, maybe it's something deeper. but when it happens, everything you do makes you feel trapped. moving forward, standing still, trying to force yourself into the past; it all seems useless. and sometimes, sometimes it is. sometimes you just have you wait for the right thing to happen, to come along and sweep you up into it's chaos. 
i haven't found it yet but i'll let you know.

Using some random unprotected WiFi I found... from my room.
#Like a boss.

Skyping with Ban Ho at this hour is nice :)
I just realized how much I missed talking to him, about anything even random stupid shit or even just watching him laugh at my attempts to make him laugh after a rough day.

I admit that the truth is, I'm scared. I am really scared.

Disclaimer: This post contains a good amount of discussion on vices that involves nudity. Hence, if you are not a person who is comfortable with the idea of guys in reality, do pay girls to take their clothes off, I suggest that you leave this "diabolical" and "perverted" site immediately and go watch bubbles pop in your bathtub.

This is written in response to Punk Chopsticks’ recent post about her dining experience in what seemed to be a restaurant full of ‘dreamy guys’. Note that the phrase ‘dreamy guys’ here refers to a group of dudes who spend their free-time staring blankly at the wall and, well, as suggested – dreams.



I’m so getting a roundhouse kick from that pair of chopsticks when I meet her, I tell you.
Anyhoos, in her article, she placed forward an analogy. And no, the term ‘analogy’ has nothing to do with the studies of anal whatsoever. Her hypothesis suggests that “Good food is a lot like good sex” and that guys going to strip clubs are “like going to a restaurant, ordering food, smelling it but not allowed to eat it”.
Seriously, smelling?



I dare not imagine further.

Well, I’ve came up with a few insights on why guys go to strip clubs. NOTE: This is in no way personal as I have never been into a strip club. A strip of clubs, on the other hand…never mind, those were the days.


Firstly, guys go to strip clubs because it is one place where they won’t have to experience the side of women that scares the wee wee outta them. In other words, guys who patronise strip clubs will avoid the torment of ‘nagging’, ‘complaining’, ‘elusive tantrums’, ‘bitching’, ‘sporadic questionings with intense traces of suspicion’ and ‘unreasonable and uncontrollable spending’.




Now, girls. The above terminologies were merely introduced for illustration purposes. The blogger is not suggesting that the mentioned traits are in every girl out there. There are some nice girls who don’t spend that much.


As for the second reason, guys enjoy strip clubs because they get to experience the side of women that they will never usually experience. Come on lah, let’s get real. Girls, will you, under normal circumstances, dance around your boyfriend/husband together with one of your BFFs in a highly suggestive manner wearing only pink fluffy furs over your boobies, a semi-transparent pair of thongs made of paper and literally nothing else?

Woah, this is getting a lil bit too graphical. I feel like I’m scriptwriting a porno.


But my point is, guys don’t usually get this sort of treatment from our mundane, sexless and un-colourful everyday life. Hence, it’s down to the club with the capital s for some booty shaking and lap-dancing. (Again, not implying that I’ve experienced any of the mentioned activities.)



Third, guys go to strip clubs solely for economic purposes. Yes, this theory is the most substantial and significant one among all. You see, strip clubs, like any other businesses, operates for the sake of gaining a profit and boosting the country’s national income. Therefore, when a guy becomes a customer of strip clubs, he is in fact contributing towards the nation’s economic growth. I have a very clear and concise exemplification to back up my theory.


Simply put, when a guy pays the strippers, it increases the strippers’ disposable income. And when them strippers have got the money, they’ll spend more on sexy lingerie. And what happen next? The lingerie industry obviously improves.


Now that the lingerie industry is booming, more and more people tend to invest in businesses involving lingerie. By now, most of the investors would have profited from the lingerie businesses that they’ve injected funds in. With that profit that they’ve reaped, they’ll pamper their selves by going to strip clubs and getting a lap dance from that stripper who had just bought a pair of new lingerie. And this cycle goes on. There you have it, economically lawyered.




So, guys, you are hereby justified to patronise strip clubs. It is your birth right to see that bitch take off her panty!



p.s. Nothing above should be taken seriously as the writer only intends to provide a few minutes of sheer entertainment at the time of writing and does not reflect her overall attitude and mentality in reality.

This is the shit I do at 2am whilst trying to cheer Ban Ho up. Apparently, he enjoyed my company while taking pictures. eeeshh, the things I do for him.

Voldemort attempts

At the beginning of the entire thing, he woke me from my sleep. -.-

Turkish Delight says Rawr

What shit?

Homagad! It's Turkish Delight!

Oooohhhh.....

That would be your request that I look away, right? Because this is the only way you can manage. Posts may or may not have anything to do with me but you are trapped in this way of processing and whatever else. And I followed you into this techno-emo dust storm trying to find us both, to support and protect someone I loved, and continue to love very much. You're so vulnerable sometimes. Signals more than mixed. Can you blame me? But listen. I get it. I have for a while. When you want me back in your life, and sometimes I think you do, you've got to find another way to reach out. Normal channels. Please. Start anywhere. Don't be afraid to reach back out. So many layers; gotta be able to let all or nothing approach go. We'll figure something out.I love you. I really do. 

Labels: I Wrote This For You

Labels: I Wrote This For You

Do you remember when
Dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth,
mom was your hero
and goodbye meant only until tomorrow.

Remember when
getting high meant swinging on the playground
and the only drug you ever knew was paracetamol.

Remember when
lollipops turned into cigarettes,
soda turned into vodka,
kisses turned into sex
and your close friends became strangers.

The world was simpler then
yet we couldn't just wait to grow up.

In this room. With the curtains drawn. With the lights off. The moon shining outside. This is where I hurt the most.
This room suffocates me.


Please. I beg you. Don't let me drown.

Not only did I not write this for you, but I wrote it for myself. I figured it was about time I started thinking for myself. You can spend your whole life trying to please other people, until you realise the only person who has to live with those decisions, those choices, compromises and sacrifices is yourself. So this is the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning. This is where it starts

It eats away at you,
the guilt.

When you're so used to doing nothing wrong,
you misplace your defence mechanisms.
The ones that make you strong.
When you're so used to doing only right,
you misplace the fight.

It eats away at you,
the feeling,
the one that reminds you where you should be.
What you should be doing.

It feels like I've misplaced it all.
But really its just the guilt,
making me feel like I've lost my mind.

And finders, keepers.

My mind is loose change jingling in his back pocket. 
I am divided. 
Coins here, and coins there; scattered over the floor, the kitchen bench, travelling with him to and from work, click-clicking quietly to the rythm of his walk.
He's away again tonight and the thunder growls, angry at me for being so lonesome, so dependent. 
The rain falls harder than usual; angry at me, too. 
Telling me to put myself back together. To collect the coins I've scattered everywhere,to lock them safe in a silky draw-string bag, save them until they melt back together again into a lump of gold and silver. 
There are no pixies dancing on the roof tonight; no soft pitter-patter of fairies skipping and holding hands, whispering and singing me softly to sleep. 
There are only demons jumping hard, stomping, trying to break through the tiles and through the wood and brick, to slide into my dreams and taunt me. 
Jeering faces of elves with wide, black eyes; grins that melt into a nightmare and eyebrows that furrow deep into my soul. 
I wonder if I'm mad. 
Crazy.
I wonder if there was ever a sanity that I could hold to; claim. 
If I dropped it somewhere along the way, and it's been trodden on, walked over, pushed into the dirt under the crunch of tires and feet and if there's a layer of grass covering that little treasure now; long lost, long gone. 
I wonder if I draw a map and mark it with an X, if I'll ever find it again. 
It's tomorrow, now. 

Today's sins have been washed from my hands; dirt swirling down the drain in a blur of soap suds, hot water, and dirt. But I haven't slept, and I haven't forgotten.
I don't forget. I can't.
I take note of everything I've done wrong, each corner I've taken while the map marks straight ahead. 
Each smile I've forgotten and each laugh that has escaped while the air sits heavily, declaring nothing but sadness. 

You read my words and I feel sad; I feel sad that I slip this sadness into your lives, that I steal a smile you need, and it slides away into the air and disperses; forgotten. 

I wish I could forget. 

I want to cry, but the sky is crying and the thunder is grumbling and the wind is howling and the air is screaming, and it's all too much sadness for me and for you. 

Perhaps I'll collect those coins in my dreams tonight, and I'll polish them with the tears of the rain and I'll make something beautiful from such an angry night. 

You're all too beautiful for me to bear

Forrest, Forrest Gump is a simple man with little brain activity but good intentions. He struggles through childhood with his best and only friend Jenny. His 'mama' teaches him the ways of life and leaves him to choose his destiny. Forrest joins the army for service in Vietnam, finding new friends called Dan and Bubba, he wins medals, starts a ping-pong craze, creates a famous shrimp fishing fleet, inspires people to jog, create the smiley, write bumper stickers and songs, donating to people and meeting the president several times. However this is all irrelevant to Forrest who can only think of his childhood sweetheart Jenny. Who has messed up her life. Although in the end all he wants to prove is that anyone can love anyone.


"Stupid is what stupid does"

Labels: Reviews

Based on the novel, The Last Valentine, by James Michael Pratt. A young and cynical female journalist learns love may transcend trials and time as she discovers a story that will change her life forever. When war separates lovers on their wedding anniversary Feb. 14, 1944 at LA Union Train Station, Navy pilot Neil Thomas makes a promise he isn't sure he can keep - to return to the train station safe by their next anniversary. For sixty years Caroline Thomas keeps her promise by waiting at the train station until her missing in action husband can finally keep his with the "lost valentine." The message and meaning shows romance and love can be real; worth fighting, and maybe even dying for


This movie, is a must watch. It made me cry,... well almost.


"Now you have my heart. Keep it next to yours and bring it back to me. I will always love you."

"And I know I've said this all before, but opposites attract. 
We try and run away, but end up running back."

I am completely taken by this band. And especially this song. Thank you, Rynn! :) You've got me addicted.

Okay, so this was just something I came to think about, when I was reading some story. Yeah.

Dear You,
I love your laugh. It has such a lazy "It's sunday morning, and I was sleeping in, and you just woke me up" quality to it. I want to put it in a bottle, and store it somewhere inside me, labeled "Things that make me feel good." Because I probably won't get to keep the rest of you. I won't get a single piece of you, so at least let me keep this memory of that laugh. I'll store it next to the way a previous other smiled at me. And the look in the eyes of that stranger that walked past me once. Amongst the millions of good memories, I keep a particular shelf for the ones that seem to actually notice I'm not invisible.  I love that laugh. I'd love to have the chance to love the rest of you, but for now, this is all I want.

Labels: I Wrote This For You

You're like a somehow misguided tampon ; impossible to ignore

Remember my last post on how to annoy the living shit out of another person? And remember how I promised that there will be more? Remember?




Yeah, you don’t remember anything huh?
It’s cool. I forgive you for putting me in that state of oblivion. I will not hold any tinge of grudges against you. It is not significant that I hold you responsible for not having any memories regarding something that had happened. The past should be forgotten. And that is also why History should never be a subject in high-schools. Screw you capitalism.


I have no idea what the hell am I even trying to express. Gee, that’s my seventh glass of scotch already? Time flies when you’re getting drunk. On another note, I would like to quote one of my favourite white rappers, Asher Roth. In his words, ‘time isn’t wasted when you’re getting wasted’. Yeah, so don’t waste that drink.


Now, there is a whole other list of venues that I can think of whereby passing your annoyance on to someone at said venue would seem reasonable. Here goes.
Toilets

1. 
   
2. i. When using the urinal, look at the guy beside you intensely. When he asks you what the hell your problem is, point to your crotch and say, “How do you use this thing again?”
5. 
   ii. Inside a cubicle, sing as loud as you can. When someone yells at you to shut your trap, tell ‘em that a recent scientific research had shown that music helps people to pee and poop more efficiently.
6. 
   iii. Knock on the person in the next cubicle and ask, “Buddy, I need to go back to the future, where’s the button to power up this machine?”
7. 
   iv. This works only where an automatic hand-dryer is in place. When someone puts their hands under the dryer, wave your finger around the dryer and mutter some spells from Harry Potter and let the dryer starts blowing. Look at the guy and demands that he embraces wizardry.
8. 
   

Bookstores

1. 
   
2. i. If you see someone reading one of the Twilight series, go to the fella and tell ‘em, “Bad news, in half an hour’s time, a vampire will come and bite you. But here's the good news, Edward Cullen will be doing the job.”
3. 
   
4. ii. Lift up books on the shelves one by one and say, “Dammit, now which one is that bloody secret switch to open up that secret door to that secret chamber?”
5. 
   
6. iii. Open a book on nuclear science and laugh uncontrollably so everyone would stare at you. While laughing, tell them: “Damn! This is the funniest shit I’ve ever read!”
7. 
   
8. iv. Slide your fingers from left to right on the cover of a book repeatedly. Then shout out, “Dang! How do you switch to the next page?”

Train Stations

1. 
   
2. i. At the ticketing counter, insist on buying a return ticket to Hogwarts.
3. 
   ii. While waiting for trains on the platform, tell someone near you, “I heard that today’s the Train Goddess Sacrifice Day, I wonder who will be pushed onto the tracks when the train comes today.”
4. 
   iii. When you board the train, look at the person beside you and immediately make a stunned face. This should be followed by a scream and then running out of the train.
5. 
   iv. Go to everyone in the train, nudge them softly and ask, “So, are you the guy who sells weed?”

As of now, my list takes a halt here. I have only one question for you readers to ponder upon.





Am I a genius or what?